Hi. I'm a newbie here and I'm very pleased to meet people who know how I feel. I'm 22 years old and have been diagnosed with SLE about three years ago. I have just recently had a flare up and spent August behinf hospital doors, taking 48 mg of Medrol and going through plasmaphaeresis 5 times in ten days, due to a major attack on my kidneys that had to be stopped. I've been to hell and back, fearing for my life, with that terrible feeling of uncertainty as to whether my kidneys fail or not. Luckily, the situation has improved greatly, and now, only a month after hospitalization, my urine tests are impeccable. The problem I have now are the steroids. I'm beginning to go crazy about the moon face. I know this might sound terribly vain and immature, especially considering what I've been through but I just can't stand looking at myself in the mirror. I know I'm lucky to be alive, and I AM grateful, but this seems to be getting the best of me. I keep hiding in the house, it hurts me even to see my boyfriend, who is more than understanding about all of this. I feel so ashamed I can't show my face among friends right now. And the funny thing is this: As I started taking the 48 mg I developed a moonface, which decreased after a month, and didn't reapear until recently (so I was "normal" looking for almost a month)... It just keeps coming and going and driving me nuts. I even started taking this frustration out on my face, by hitting it and hating myself. I'll be on low doses of Medrol in six weeks. Six weeks. Omg. This is so much harder for me because I always got all the attention from guys and everyone, it's just so different right now, and I can't adjust to being "ugly"... This sounds TERRIBLY shallow, but it is just the truth... I don't even feel like a person, let alone a woman. I have to mention that I had been on high doses of steroids before, and I know the face normalizes on low dosage, still I'm always going through this, no matter what I just can't get used to it... and I don't want to. If anyone has any advice whatsoever it's very welcome. I'm sorry about this long post, but I desperately needed a place to vent... Thank you all.
And please excuse any spelling mistakes. I'm from Slovenia.