I have the fatigue that seems to be ever present with Lupus, but I also have insomnia. Not a good combination.

This week has been a hard one for me, and tonight is another nearly sleepless night. I'm terribly tired, but I cannot bring myself to go to bed.

As I sat here, finding little things to keep me occupied, flipping through tv channels and infomercials, I think I discovered one possible reason for my insomnia.

I dearly wish to sleep, because when I do sleep, I can dream about being healthy and normal. However, when I wake, something new gone weird comes along.

My mind seems to have decided that if I stay awake, I can stop Time and prevent any new, weird, symptom that I have no control over from appearing.

I wish that I could tuck my overactive mind into a little velvet-lined box far under the ground where I cannot hear it working against my sanity.