My boss just told me I should think about filing for disability!!!!
I am CRUSHED to say the least, I can't say I wasn't really expecting it. Something was telling me to get prepared for it. Last night I went to church, (and I'm sorry I don't want to offend anyone who doesn't have any religious beliefs) but I really concentrated on praying and asking the Lord to provide me with an answer as to what should I do about work. It's getting harder and harder to perform and the quality of work is definetely lacking. I heard him tell me do not be afraid I will carry you, and I started sobbing, I was really emotional.
Anyhow this morning my boss wanted to meet with me concerning my "work performance" she was praising me on how great I am and how much my clients love me, and how much I do for them and how much she loves having me here....yada yada yada! Then she proceeds to tell me I have no time left and she knows its not being used frivolously because I need to take it and i'm entitled to it, but that me being out that much impacts on my work performance because I don't have that much free time to focus on my cases. ALL my cases are completed, it was just a matter of sending out closing letters on about three cases, which I had reasons for not doing so...
Filing for SS has been on my mind for quite some time, I have an apt scheduled to talk to my primary and my rheumy to get their professional opinions. I need to figure out exactly what I would be getting, and I need to figure what I would to to get insurance for my family. This is not something I would do blindly.
I feel betrayed this is something that I want to come TOTALLY from ME, lupus has taken everything else, let me decide if and when going on disability is right for me. Ive worked since I was 14, It would mean facing the fact that I can't work anymore and being the main financial provider as hubby earns ALOT less is really stressful. Besides it makes me feel useless and no good. I have to learn to deal with those feelings, and more importantly I have to learn to trust God completely.
I AM SCARED! I know how companies are, they want whats convenient for them, and if they want me out, which breaks my heart because that was never expressed. This was a family place and such a great place to work for. They'll get me out.
Diagnosed in 2010 with SLE, recurring pericarditis, pericardial and pleural effusions. Fibromyalgia, Avascular Necrosis on both knees, IBS, Gastroparesis, migraines, DVT's, Pulmoray Emboli. Arthritis, pinched nerves and bulging disk all on the neck. Hyperthyroid issues. Neuropthy, anemia and insomnia "taking it one day at a time, what more can I do"