That head thing we do.....
I'm doing the head thing again. I cope with being ill, I cope with limits, I micro-manage everything and really have very few obligations.
But it's summer.
The kids are home (5). My DH has two weeks off work.
Suddenly there are six million things to do that I don't want to have to miss or struggle through.
I always find it hard to calm my emotional panic when I see days and days ahead of things that I want to do and know I won't manage. My brother is visiting for the first time in four years and I'm all weedy feeling and anxious. I'm trying to prioritise but I want to do it all.
At times like these Lupus is a very cruel illness...sometimes letting me feel completely fine, as long as I just sit there doing nothing. I'm able to watch everything that needs doing, but not do it. I have all the time in the world to think about what needs doing, but I can't do it. I have all the time to worry about it as well, but with none of that ability to whizz round and get it done.
Plod plod plod think think think
Maybe if I wasn't emotionally constipated I could have a good cry?!
At times like these my Amitryptaline tablets are my saviours. Sleep in a bottle.