My older sister KC was sick and in the hospital for a good 3 months, and when she wasn't in the hospital she was in the emergency room. This was a few years ago. Since after her doctor found the right balance of her medications she's been healthy as ever. But now she is back in the hospital. Doctors are not sure what is wrong and hopefully its nothing too major like past experiences. Although a few years ago I wouldn't want to leave the hospital and I would want to stay with her until she was released, but this time now that she is back in the hospital, I don't even want to think about going there. I'm not %100 sure why I'm so against going to see her. I love her, she's my sister. I think I just want to do my best to avoid the situation so I don't get stressed out and overwhelmed like I have been in the past. I guess if I don't visit her, and don't have to see her sick in that hospital bed, I can just pretend that she isn't sick at all. My dad and mom visit her regularly so she won't be lonely I guess. I almost feel guilty about not seeing her the past week she's been in the hospital, or selfish that I don't want to help her and accompany her. Is it bad that I would rather be home alone then talk to her?...

I just wish that her lupus and everyone else illnesses could be cured and no one would need to live with the grief and stress that come from them.


(sort of on another topic.. Its been a long time since I posted in here, I love you guys and thank you for being there for me)