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Thread: DEATH and the REALITY of it

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  1. #1
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    Default DEATH and the REALITY of it

    Hello my WHL FAMILY. I wanted to tell you about a tragedy my family and I faced just this past December 6th, 2012. I wasnt ready to "face it" I guess you could say (still dont some days) so I chose only a couple of my very close friends here on WHL to tell. I had a few reasons why I didnt "share" with the "whole family", one being facing the REALITY of how and why it happened. So many other reasons as well that are personal, extremely emotional and OVERWHELMING for me to deal with on a daily basis. BUT, I have been thinking it over since the tragedy and I feel like if I can even touch just 1 person, then its worth sharing.

    My WONDERFUL and BEAUTIFUL Papa (my DAD) died (ugh, the words are HARD to write and I dont say them much either because of the pain) in December. We found him in his home (the HOME my family and I visited on a weekly basis) on December 8th in his hallway dead from a seizure brought on by alcohol poisoning. It was the most HORRIFIC moment of my life. He was an alcoholic and had been my whole life. Yet, he was my BEST FRIEND, MY PAPA, MY DADDY, MY FATHER and he had the BIGGEST HEART over anyone I have ever known.

    I had to give him an ultimatum when my children were young because his alcohlism was poison in our lives. He didnt even hesitate, he agreed and our relationship FLUORISHED from that point on in a way I could never have imagined. 90% of the time he didnt get drunk when we were with him. If he did, we would leave and he would understand and not be upset.

    I had talked to him just 2 hrs before he died. We were supposed to visit him on that Sunday, he died on Thursday. We found him on Saturday.

    I talked to him almost every day. And I MISS HIM EVERY SECOND of EVERY MINUTE of EVERY DAY. I had a "SOBER PAPA" in my life and I LOVED IT BUT, I didnt think about what he was STILL doing when we werent on the phone or together. My illnesses clouded my mind or maybe I was just in denial, Im not really sure. I honestly thought he was not as bad as he was. I saw him sober MOST of our time together. THAT was "MY PAPA" to ME. Since then neighbors have told me things and family have told me things about how BAD his drinking was and always had been.........

    He had gotten worse when I started getting sicker I have been told. He was proud of me "fighting" my "fight" BUT he hated seeing my life having changed so much. It tears me apart knowing this. He always told me "baby, I couldnt do what you do every day, youre a fighter and you have such a good attitude about it all...." I didnt think he would EVER CHOOSE to leave my family and I (me especially). WE WERE SO CLOSE and he knew I NEEDED HIM on so many ways........ I found out after his death that he was telling people he was going to drink himself to death. HE CHOSE. THIS HURTS, BAD......... He had even left his will sitting out on his desk for me to easily find.


    I want anyone who KNOWS an alcoholic or IS an alcoholic to HEAR ME and to UNDERSTAND the PAIN I am in every day because of my papa choosing to die by being an alcoholic. YOU HURT the ones that LOVE YOU the most....... I will NEVER forget that day. The way vomit was dripping from his mouth that he had choked on, the way one of his slippers was off his foot, the positioning of his hands (seizure), the "look" on his face, the clothes he was wearing, the beer cans and empty bottles of rum lined up in a row on his counter, what was on his TV, the weather.............. AND MOST OF ALL the PAIN that still has not and will not ever go away from losing my BEST FRIEND, MY PAPA............

    I deal with SO MANY "what ifs". People tell you not to, BUT, its not possible, we are human. I am dealing with the fact (along with so many other facts) that I WAS NOT IMPORTANT ENOUGH for him to get help. Im NOT looking for pitty, I am just wanting to share my story HOPEING I might make a difference for anyone on either side of this HORRIBLE DISEASE to HEAR ME. PLEASE make a change so loved ones dont have to go through what I am going through EVERY SECOND of EVERY MINUTE of EVERY HOUR of EVERY DAY.........

    I LOVE YOU MY DEAR PAPA and I MISS YOU SO DAMN MUCH..............
    We Live in a MORTAL, FRAIL, IMPERFECT world in which the word "FAIR" doesn't always apply.Make EVERY MOMENT COUNT with the ones you LOVE because it can end in the blink of an eye. Love, Jeannette

  2. #2
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    ((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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    lucky7 (07-24-2013)

  4. #3
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    as a mother of a alcoholic I deal with this fear everyday thankyou very much for sharing your story and I am so sorry about your father. love kim

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    lucky7 (07-24-2013)

  6. #4
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    Im so sorry for your loss. Please remember to try and take special care of yourself while you are greiving. Its a hard time to get through. Sending you prayers.

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  8. #5
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    I am so very sorry, that you have to go through this pain.
    Even though, I don't know anything about alcoholics, my understanding is, that they don't think, that they have a problem. I would think, that might be the reason, your dad didn't seek help and not because you are not important enough to him.
    We are here for you, always.

    Debbie
    I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).

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  10. #6
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    I'm so very sorry that you had to go through this.

    My brother-in-law died of alcohol poisoning at age 25. Alcoholism is an insidious disease and impacts everyone in the family.

    I, too, had to issue an ultimatum to a family member about their drinking. Fortunately, it worked, and he never drank in the presence of me or my children (he lived out of state so I don't know if he continued drinking when not around us, but he sounded sober on the phone). I was prepared, however, to never see him again if he didn't honor my wishes, though.

    Anyway, know that I understand your grief and the heartache from your loss. Your beloved dad chose that darn bottle, not because he didn't love you, but because he didn't love himself.

    ((((((HUGS)))))))

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    lucky7 (07-24-2013)

  12. #7
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    All I can think of to say is we are here for you
    (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

    Death is hard. Waiting for it to come is even harder. My Mom is begging for drinks cause she can't face the reality that my Dad can go at any moment from a heart attack. How can we expect to live a normal life?

    Alcohol is wrong, but she is so gpitiful that my dad gives in. How can they cope with reality.


    I'm with you on this

    (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))

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    lucky7 (07-24-2013)

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