I have been holding on and holding on until I saw a new Rheumatologist last week. Now I just don't know if I can fake it anymore. I am mentally and physically exhausted. I am a housing services case manager for 20 formerly chronically homeless people with disabilities. Each person is dealing with so many things - health, no support system, no income for some, unresolved issues that led to their homelessness initially... For many of them, I am their only resource and only source of companionship. Part of my job is helping them deal with their illness and find outlets such as volunteering, classes, work, etc. Every day is something different and there is so much to remember and crisisis to deal with. It takes every last "spoon" I have to get through each day and I only work 32 hours a week. Not to mention fog that keeps causing me to make mistakes and being unable to communicate problems to my co-workers, supervisor, resources.

Then I have two little boys (2 and 4 years old) who depend on their momma to be their for them, to play with them, to take them "fun" places, to love them...

I can't take it anymore. Each Friday rolls around and I can barely function. My mom takes my boys Friday and Saturday because I just mentally and physically cannot deal anymore. I am robbing my children of their mom but I don't know if I am ready for disability... Heck, I haven't even been officially diagnosed yet! I could get a new, less stressful job but the finding the job, learning new tasks, losing insurance, and all that seems just too much.

I don't know what to do... Hopefully, the prednisone and plaquinel kicks in soon...