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Thread: So emotional?!?!?!

  1. #1
    Join Date
    May 2013
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    Unhappy So emotional?!?!?!

    Hi folks...my new lovely supportive family!

    I'm so tired of feeling everything! I must've started here a week or so ago, with trepidation that I didn't want to look at all the possibilities of lupus, but my counsellor thought it was time I got out of my special jaynie bubble and talked with some real people about all this lupus business.
    You're all lovely and supportive, and know that I've been so depressed for a long time and was kind of hibernating in limbo til I was well again. Well, I've decided I liked limbo.
    Well, ok, so my head had reached the point where it was literally 'dumping' information cos it couldn't hold any more, I had very few friends (albeit good ones) and I spent too much time fighting to do things when I felt really quite poorly, because then I would be functioning and ok and my kids would be fine, and everybody has bad days right?!?
    But then I opened the box.
    Each new discovery about how my head has contained all of the awkward parts of my life has been so exciting and sometimes mind blowing. Things that I emotionally found too difficult to look at are simpler than I thought and only really due to coping through difficult circumstances and through the usual childhood stuff that happens from someone else coping through difficult circumstances. I find myself looking at life with a list of possibilities again. When I'm well (and I guess I manage my condition well, cause most things I can do to some extent) I can craft without guilt, paint (I can't paint YET LOL) and crochet because God has given me the option to spend time in my own way whilst my kids are out). I really AM very grateful
    So why do I feel so tired????
    Everything in my head is hard and real, not numb anymore. Everything screams "face me NOW" where before I was going to pick up living again once I was well. My patience is gone...I can't listen to the kids whine and argue, I want to run and hide, but life is imposing.

    This is grief isn't it? This is a process isn't it? I'm not going to feel like this forever right?

    I'm ok. I'm used to containing it all, I'm supposed to be learning to let it out, it's just not a process I'm so good at. I guess I should just cry....hmmmm

    Anyone been where I am?

    Jx

  2. #2
    Join Date
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    You are on the way, I think. You'll see, when you face this thing head on, it will get easier.
    I was fortunate, I guess, that I was diagnosed with this Lupus thing, at age 50, so all the kids were on their own, having their own families. It must be very hard to be this sick and having to deal with small children. When I am sick, in pain and exhausted, I lay down and don't care about the household or anything, but you can't do that, I feel for you and all the other young mothers here.
    I deal with things pretty well, it didn't take me too long, to tell myself, " deal with it, because it is not going to go away, ever". Maybe, just maybe, because of that, I have never been depressed. Don't get me wrong, I do have days, where I feel sorry for myself, when I am in alot of pain and I have cried, when I can't move, because every move hurts. A good cry can help.
    Luckely, I have found this forum and my extended family here on WHL, that has helped alot. Plus my husband is very understanding, loving and helpful.
    This was just my experience, yours might be different.
    Just remember, that we are here for you and we do understand, first hand, what you are going through.
    Hopefully you can find your way,soon.

    Debbie
    I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).

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