First let me tell you that I AM A HUSBAND,BUT I AM ALSO THE ONE WITH LUPUS, among a slew of auto-immune problems and recoveringfrom a broken back and neck.
I'll give you some insight from a MAN"S point of view.
You see alot of US men have a hard time talking about our feelings. We've never been to good at that.
But TRUST ME when I tell you that your husband is totally broken up indside over the diagnosis you have gotten, and the FACT that he can not fix it.
He personally can not deal with the fact that HIS WOMAN the love of his life has been afflicted with this incidious disease.
What makes it worse is the lack of knowledge and answers as to WHY<HOW and HOW DO WE TREAT IT??? that is NOT available to us due to the fact that LUPUS has so little known about it....they still do not even have a test that proves INCONCLUSIVELY wether or not we even have it.
There are FALSE POSOTIVES and FALSE NEGATIVES.
AS a MAN I can HONESTLY tell you that if I was told that my wife had a potentially deadly disease it would BLOW me away to the point that I would need a therapist.
For your husband right now feels like he is unable to do what he swore in front of GOD to do and that is to take care of you , to love and PROTECT YOU.....and that's the part he can not deal with.
HE can NOT PROTECT you from this.
He can't KICK IT"S BUTT, He can;t take you to Canada or somewhere where they do have the treatment for LUPUS, he can;t do a THING !!!!
So in his mind he feels beaten, useless and like he's a bad husband.
In watching you go through this his mind which is a PERFECT MACHINE to help us get through anything put in front of us, has put him in DENIAL and made him believe that if YOU to go into denial you to will no longer have LUPUS.
So as long as he treats you as if you are healthy in his mind YOU ARE !!!!
But inside he too is hurting, when he shaves and has to look into that mirror he knows the real truth, and he also knows that MAYBE one day you may no longer be his LIFE MATE and he'll be alone.
It may sound selfish but it's not.
It is the only way he can deal with it because inside he too is dieing, dieing of humility that he can;t fix you, dieing of embarrassment that he can;t make you smile, or get rid of the rashes, or just hold you in his arms and PROMISE YOU EVERYTING WILL BE ALL RIGHT.
EVERY MAN wants to be his wife's HERO and he feels he can no longer be yours.
Only a doctor can be that right now.....and because of that he feels like a lesser man.
Maybe instead of getting mad at him, try talking to him and tell him that you know that he's done all he can, and that it is not his fault that he can not find a doctor that can cure you...and then tell him that he will
always be your HERO no matter what.
If you do this I guarantee you that you will see a 1000% turn around.
After the two of you have this talk I promise you things will be different because then the job of being your life saving hero will not be upon his shoulders as it is now.
You see as long as his mind keeps him in denial then he'll not have to deal with the reality of what you and I have.
My wife had somewhat of the same problem when I too was first diagnosed....and this info was given to her by MY therapist and it worked like a charm.
I have since then told this little tid bit to many women who have the same problem with there husbands....and to tell ya something about us MEN...we are so scared of having to live without our WOMAN we refuse to believe that they can ever even be sick and if they are WE WILL find the right doctor to fix them.
You need to have a talk with your husband without any arguements just a nice and calm converstion.....by the end you two will be ONE once again and you will no longer be mad at himself and he will be OK with the fact that HE CAN NOT FIX THIS and be able to be your HUSBAND no matter what the conditions may be !!!! It's hard on us all !!!!
I hope this helps
St James 8)