Worst Birthday Ever...thank you lupus!
So birthdays are to be happy right? Not mine. My loving spouse is at his wits end with the realities my disease brings to the table. Now I first will say he loves me, but of course as I do hates my disease. I'm 34 have to work a part time job which ends up really being more than part time. It gets my energy. My spouse and home does not. All my husband's personal dreams are squashed because of my disease. He has moved pass the stage of us not having kids because I physically can't keep up, but his other personal dreams are becoming non-existent and he is trying to work through them. But yesterday on my birthday he got frustrated because their is no order in our home thanks to my limitations and in combination of everything he was just very withdrawn. Not that he didn't take me out shopping and dinner but we argued and I just wanted a carefree happy day. He loves me and this was not anything on purpose. This disease is just awful, and I have so much hatred for it! It ruins everything. I just want to be able to work a full time job, clean my house on a regular basis and really wanted to be a mother . But no, I'm childless , work a little more than part time, hurt 6/7 days a week practically and pretty much flare every 2 darn years! Something's gotta give! I wish lupus was a physically being so I could kick the snot out of it! Instead of celebrating my birthday I just wish I could have skipped the whole day! Why does it have to be so frustrating! He works so hard and all I can give is love and companionship. I have no extra spoons for the extras of life! It's just not fair!
thank you for the vent session. Maybe now I can sleep!
Diagnosed in 1990 at age 11.
Trust in the Lord with all of your heart!