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Thread: Grieving

  1. #1
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    Default Grieving

    My life truly a 3 ring circus with too many clowns and too much drama. Much of it caused by my daughter. Well I guess she won't be a problem any longer as she's cut me and the family out of her life.

    It all started when she got involved with a guy who, less than 3 months after meeting gives her and std and gets her pregnant. I've never been a fan of the guy but daughter claims to love him, so we accepted him and welcomed him into the family. They got married in April. She changed. During a girl's weekend out in May she totally freaked out and we had the arguement of the century. She was driving a car that I was LENDING her (it had belonged to my mother who passed away the previous October). Long story short I took the car away. The arguement was horrific. She called me every name in the book and carried on for 4 hours. She's never forgiven me for taking away what she thought she should rightfully have (pay it forward according to her). Note that she also had moved into Mom's house shortly after she died. I let her stay there with the provision she pay utilities, lot rent (mobile home park) and assist with getting the house ready for sale as it needed quite a bit of work. She paid lot rent. I got stuck with her utilities and she never did any work on the house, rather call me and tell me I needed to do it myself. Mind you she was working part time, had her now husband there plus another male roommate. All able bodies that did nothing. To "punish" me, they moved out and in with her new inlaws where she still is. I'm now in the process of closing on the sale of the house. She quit talking to me in May and didn't speak to me until August for a couple days then went off the radar again. I've sent her text messages letting her know that she is loved and the door is always open. During all this, her now husband has been horrendous. I was raised to respect your elders end of discussion. He, however, thought it perfectly fine to make demands on me and call me and my husband names. Daughter went along with that. Well if it weren't for the fact that I don't care to go to prison, I would have shown him the business end of a baseball bat. Fortunately for him I wouldn't do well in prison...She at one point threw the car remote across the parking lot and told me to "go fetch". I raised her better than that! Her and her brother got everything they ever needed and most of what they wanted. They were never abused and beaten. They can't relate to "A child called it". They lived a decent middle class life. Yet she has decided that the entire family is evil personified and hates us all. Last Thursday she had her baby. I found out through the grapevine. I texted her the next night congratulations. A couple hours later I received a text from her that she wants me to know absolutely nothing about her life. I felt like I had my heart ripped out. I did see her and her husband in September. They just glared at my husband and I. Ouch. So now I am grieving, for although she's still alive, she is completely out of my life and it hurts as if she had died. Actually it hurts more because she IS alive and raising a child I'll never know. All because I stopped letting her walk all over me.
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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    Tough love is sometimes tougher on us parents Ruz. She'll see her way back to you. ((Ruz))

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    ( ( ( ( h u g s ) ) ) )

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    I completely understand what you're going through. I'm sorry you're hurting. I only hope she wakes up and smells the burnt toast before her baby gets much older.

    Gentle hugs to you and your hubby. Parenting can be a thankless job.

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    ruziska (12-05-2012)

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    :-(

    I am sorry for you, and especially for her....she may not know now how these choices will hurt her long-term, but she will find out the hard way. She is lucky she has a mom who will love her unconditionally once she is smart enough to come back.

    I really feel horrible for the newborn child who will come into such a hateful situation....

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    i know how you feel i have the same problem with my son except he went off the deep end and told me he wants nothing to do with me, he has no family. do not ring him do not text him. all because yesterday i didnot get him a mcdonalds hamburger immediately when he wanted. i must mention my son has borderline personality disorder and alcohol and gambling problems. so this is something i put up with all the time. but i told him today that i love him and when he has finished chucking a toddler tantrum i will be here. till then grow up and take responsibilities for your own actions enough is enough. so i sympathise with you our children can find all sorts of ways to hurt us and they think because we are there parents we should take it. but we are not doormats and i for one are sick of being treated as if i am. goodluck hopefully she will come to her senses and realise family is the most important thing. hugs kim

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    Rita,
    I feel bad for you. As others have said, she will come back eventually. I'm sure that she will eventually realize that her husband is bad for her. I just hope that happens before he is abusive to her or to the child.
    You need to take good care of yourself.
    Hugs,
    Marla

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    Thank you everyone. To put it bluntly, this really sucks! expecially with Christmas next week. Hubby and I got out the decorations the other day and turned around and put them back. We just couldn't do it. We put ut the tree but got new ornaments and our stockings and that is all. The decorations just bring back to many memories. Daughter is extremely stubborn and head strong- I suspect it will take her longer than most to come around IF she comes around. In the meantime, I keep sending up prayers.
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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    I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this with your daughter. I can't imagine how painful this must be for you and it does not sound like her anger with you is reasonable. I do hope that you and she find your way back to one another, especially for the sake of your grandchild. No matter what your differences may be with your daughter, it is unfair for her to deny your grandchild the opportunity to know you. I wish you the very best!

    Peace and Blessings
    Namaste
    Saysusie
    Look For The Good and Praise It!

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