I have posted a couple of other times before I was diagnosed, but I am not on here much. Anyways, I am a 20 year old full time student. I don't work because I have a hard enough time getting to my classes every day, and I feel like working would be too much. I don't have a lot of friends because I am pretty shy, but at the beginning of this year I joined a club sports team because I have always loved sports and mostly I just wanted some social interaction. I have made some great friends, but as it is getting colder my joints are keeping me from playing, and therefore I don't see my team as much and things have gotten distant. Anyways, I am having a lot of up and down depression. I feel like a lot of it is because of my feeling of laziness, even though I know a lot of it is from my constant headaches and fatigue. I feel so unproductive, and I really want to work and make money so bad, but if I do that, I know I would fall behind in classes. Right now I am doing OK academically, not great like I usually do. I feel stupid because I know missing classes is hurting my grades, but so many days I have such a hard time getting out of bed in the morning. I feel like I am at war with myself, because when I am feeling good I tell myself that my low days are just because of the Lupus, but when I am feeling horrible and can't get off the couch or do nothing at all during the day, I always end up getting depressed and start thinking that it is all in my head and I am just lazy and whiny. I really don't want to go on any medication for my depression, and that is why I haven't told my doctor. I am pretty sure it is all because of my symptoms and my lack of socialization (and not an actual medical problem), but I can't really see a way to snap out of it all. Does anyone have any suggestions for me or similar stories? Thanks!