Im not sure if im in the right forum or not oorrr... If this is too detailed for an online forum but i am really in need of help.It has been well over 6 months since I was diagnosed with lupus. It has been quite a roller coaster and I have been on a downhill for a while now and not sure how to get back up.

(Alil back story)
I lost my mother to breast cancer a few months b4 I was diagnosed, this was really difficult for me because my mom was everything and I had 3 other siblings to care for now. (Me being the oldest and 2 having autism). During this time I went to the doctor for Severe joint pain that I had been having for about a month. At that time I was 20yr old and a very active person, I ignored the pain for weeks but it's only became worse and started to affect things I do. I was refered to an rheumatologist which took 3 months to see to get the news that I had lupus(Which was affecting my kidney). Since then I have been different medications (I don't enjoy taking) and gone thur a load of test. I have gotten better as far as my kidney but the flares are still very hard to deal with.

I am 21 and I feel so lost in my life right now. I was a culinary art major and had plans for myself but recently I have lost interest in all of that. I am not in school, Im not interested in culinary anymore much less anything else. I recently quit my job because I could not do the work due to the lupus. I was so bad that I had to moments at work where i had to sit down or I would pass out. I have filed for disability and I'm am now awaiting their answer. I'm very depressed and all I do is lay in bed and sleep. I feel the pain and I try really hard to help in the house as I can but I can't do much, sometimes I feel like I'm just being lazy so I push myself only to spend a few more extra days in bed. The good thing that has happen for me is meeting and marrying my husband, who's has been there for me thur everything since this started. Nowadays though I feel like I'm stressing him, when I'm in pain I take it out on him and my emotions all over the place.

I am not sure where to go at this point in my life. I feel as though I'm jus wasting it in my bed. I no longer know what I want to do. All I know is I want to be happy with my husband without worry about work,money,lupus,or stress. There are many other things that are happening to contribute to these feelings. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to other than my husband but I don't want always be a downer when I am with him. I really need help because i don't know what to do.

Sorry this is long... I thank everyone who takes the time to read it.