So, I was curious if depression, or a feeling of blah, tired etc can be a flare by itself? The last few days have been getting better for me, my neuropathy has calmed A LOT, my joint pain is minimal and usually only really gets bad when I first wake up (swelling then too), or after I've been driving for a while or laying on the couch, but after I'm up and moving, it clams down. However, I can't seem to kick the fog brain, the tiredness and the depression the other physical issues aren't gone (just better-for the moment) but the mental stuffs hangin around! So I have a hard time (stil) getting up and doing things, due to complete lack of mental strength. I am on anti depressants and anti anxiety meds. Could this be a flare alone, or the lingering effects of the flare I just had? Or just nothing at all? Anyone ever go through this, like when your body actually wants to do things but your mind either/or can think right, doesnt want too? Its very frustrating! And hubby is not at all understanding, so I've sent most of the day crying
To top this off, I do childcare in my home and I'm supposed to be having a potential new child and mom come visit this week, so of course I want to make sure the house is in tip top shape. Hubby isn't to keen on doing it alone, and I feel bad not being able to "will" myself to help (I sit and think, why can't I get a grip? The pains not that bad, what's wrong w/me) And feel guilty about it, which turns into more sadness. The other thing I'm trying to decide if I even CAN take another child at the moment. My daughter is 2.5 and she's the youngest, thins is a 15mo old baby....money's so tight, I don't want to say no, however, until my docs get things straight, I'm thinking maybe I should wait. I tried getting hubby's input on this, to no avail. As it is, I have to tell this new person I need a day off already to meet my new rheumy and neuro, in 3wks! I've also been fighting a cold for weeks on end! The kids I have Howard mostly friends kids, and they are very understanding to my situation (as in, if darlas sick, it's a free play inside/movie day) and no one is bothered by it. I don't know this new woman, so what will she think about those days, and the days I'll either need off, take her child w/me or have my backup (my mom) watch the kids? This is stressing me out more and not helping with the down feeling I've got goin on!
I just wish ssi would hurry, then I can choose who I want to watch and when! I can go to all the doc pats I need too! I've put so many off due to my line of work, I would prob be dx'd and on meds feeling better by now! Denied twice, one alone and once w/a lawyer (all because I wasn't dx'd) uugghh!
Anyway, sorry to babble, thanks for "listenng" though as always, thoughts, ideas and advice are appreciated!
*Darla*-forever awaiting answers-
Romans 5:5 "Hope does not disappoint"
"If it wasn't for bad luck, I'd have none at all-and I'm Irish!"