I don't usually cry...
But things were just starting to go pretty perfect.
I guess I just need to vent more, as I cry and type.
I'm part of a very, very large family here in Maine.
I have a lot of uncles, aunts, cousins, and so on. But I officially no longer have any more Great Aunts or Great Uncles. Just my Grandparents.
I also don't have any Great Grandparents anymore.
Yesterday, 7/7/2012, my life went from perfect, inside a nice home living with my Great Aunt to completely horrible and possibly even homeless.
Not only did my Great Aunt, whom I cared about extremely deeply for, pass away, but I also lost my home which my Grandmother is the landlord of.
I have been kicked out because I can't pay rent as much as my Great Aunt could, I was living rent free as it was but I supplied my own food and did things around the house and land.
Most of my family has responded with being in-compassionate to me. My own mother refused to let me go over to her house and stay until I got things sorted out.
The stress is killing me, she had to go when I was in Vermont? Why?
I'm starting to think she died because I wasn't there to say hello to her in the mornings and do chores.
Things were going to start getting so swell, I was going to get a non-artist job and get my health figured out.
I had rented a washer and dryer to be put into the basement, even though they were hers I was going to pay her to use them and stuff like that.
I was going to do all the chores when I came back, it was only a week. I knew I shouldn't have stayed a week, but that's what the plan was and my Great Aunt said that was completely fine. Even though in her eyes I could tell she really didn't want me to stay away that long, and now I figure I know why.
My grandmother, our landlord, now owns all my Great Aunt's things. I'm not allowed into the house until all the estate crap gets settled, but even then I can't call it home anymore. There was nothing in the contract of me living there that outlined what would happen when she passed away, but she wasn't that old so no one really expected her to go just like that.
The moment she said she said she wasn't feeling good, and that they were going to move her to my Grandmother's home instead of keeping her at the duplex we lived in. I was out of the picture, cast aside like some white trash they no longer wanted around. I have protected that land like I was a guard dog for the past two years, I have saved my grandparents thousands of dollars from people who were stealing from the property. I guess that's not a good reason to keep me around..
I spent the whole day pretty out of it, not to mention I'm in a considerable amount of emotional and physical pain even right now.
I have another week in Vermont due to all the activity, not being able to go even onto the property to take care of my rabbits, and the fact my father is concerned about my mental health about it all.
I'm far from suicidal, but I don't think trying to drive while I'm crying and in pain helps much in the matter.
I'm concerned about what's going to happen next. No home equals no stability... Hopefully I can find some place.
If I can't, I don't know what I'll do because there isn't much I can do. It's out of my hands now, I feel.
Part of me just wants to travel as far south as $100 dollars in gas can get me, I've already spent $50 to get to Vermont, but I really have to go home and get my stuff and home the rest of my animals I can't keep anymore. I just want to get away.
Despite being so stressed out, the cyst is my hand has started to be reabsorbed. But now I have a lot of weakness in my body and canker sores in my mouth, I don't feel good at all.