will I find myself again?
I look at the mirror and half of the time do not recognize the person that is starring back at me. The once thin, full headed hair, energetic, funluving,partying, dancing queen, always up for anything type of gal, practical jocker, swimming, hicking camping outdoorsy girl, with the thin face girl, always out with hubby girl, always hosting parties at home girl.....has been lost, I don't know how to find her, i'm starting to grieve her Im not dead, but I've changed soooo much. I guess im overly sensitive this week as two big dummies have bluntly told me on that I am FAT, geez thank you very much!
I need to find myself again, I need to find my energy again, I need to enjoy life again, I need to go out with hubby again, I need to work out again, there's so much I need to do and I know ALL of you understand how I feel, I feel so sad, so beaten and I hate to feel defeated, I never knew that word in my vocabulary, I want to eradicade it, I want to turn back the hands of time to 2010 before I knew what the hell lupus was,,,,,I hate to bicker and sound so whiney and Im sorry, but I need to at leat put it in writing other wise I will explode.
Diagnosed in 2010 with SLE, recurring pericarditis, pericardial and pleural effusions. Fibromyalgia, Avascular Necrosis on both knees, IBS, Gastroparesis, migraines, DVT's, Pulmoray Emboli. Arthritis, pinched nerves and bulging disk all on the neck. Hyperthyroid issues. Neuropthy, anemia and insomnia "taking it one day at a time, what more can I do"