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Thread: horrible son in law

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    Default horrible son in law

    My 19 year old daughter got married last week. She's due November 27. She started dating her husband in December. Whirlwind doesn't begin to cover it. In February he gave her an STD. In March, she got pregnant, in April she got married. In May he cut off all ties with me. HE did. She, for the moment is still talking to me. He texted me while I was at work yesterday wanting to talk. I don't take personal calls during business hours. I called him as soon as I got off work. He was immediately combative, rude and just downright mean.

    He was demanding. I told him that I just got off work, I was tired and to talk to his wife as she has the answers he's looking for. That didn't satisfy him as he wanted to hear it from me so when I gave him the answers, they weren't what he wanted to hear. He asked me about a deal my daughter and I are working on and I told him we would be finalizing it this weekend. That wasn't good enough, he wanted to know RIGHT NOW. I can't give him answers to questions in the future. He tried to finish my sentences. My family has always had a major rule: NEVER ASSUME. I told him that he hasn't known me long enough to presume to know what I'm going to say.

    He made the really stupid mistake of saying we are equals. ????? We will NEVER be equals. I'm not equal to my parents, they weren't equal to theirs and so on. Whatever happened to respect your elders?? He hung up on me. I texted him later and told him that for the sake of my daughter we need to find neutral ground and work things out. His response was that I am never to contact him ever again, that bridge has been burned.

    My daughter comes over on her way to work last night and goes off on me. Refusing to listen to my side, getting mad at me for calling him at work. Excuse me? A. he called ME at work and B. I didn't know he was at work. If he was at work, he should have done like I did and NOT answer the phone. That's the problem with cell phone, you never know where the person you are calling is. Anyhow, She blasted me. I, calmly (amazing, considering I wanted to wring her neck) blasted her back. I laid down the law with her. She's living in a house she didn't pay for (my mother's until I get the estate settled and house on the market), driving a car she didn't pay for (again, mom's), using a cell phone her father pays the bills for and oh yeah, my hubby has one of the few insurances that cover's married children up to age 26, so she has insurance for her pregnancy that she ISN"T PAYING FOR.

    And I'm the bad guy??? She and I have had a road trip this weekend that we planned months ago. Boundaries will be set. Rules will be made and if she doesn't want to follow them then she can return the car, lose her cell phone, move out and her hubby can pay for insurance. I'll be damned if I'll let either one of them walk on me. I've given that girl way too much already and all she does is want more and treat me like garbage. NO MORE.
    Last edited by rob; 05-02-2012 at 01:27 PM.
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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    Ruz <sigh> I get it. Hugs

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    I am sorry.
    All I can say is, stand your ground. You don't have to take that from anyone, especially not from your daughter.
    I have never been in this kind of situation, but like you said, setting boundries is what I would do.

    Debbie
    I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).

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    You go girl, stand your ground! I totally get it. I really hope everything works out between the two of you.

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    I am just totally flabbergasted by his attitude! If I had talked to my parents like that I'd have been knocked into next Thursday and if I talked to my in laws like that I'd be divorced! The nerve of the young punk! Never in a million years would I talk to anyone much less my elders like that. Oh how I WILL stand my ground! I must. Daughter may throw a fit, but too bad for her "she can get glad in the same pants she got mad in". I'm just so flabbergasted right now.
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
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    Quote Originally Posted by ruziska View Post
    I am just totally flabbergasted by his attitude! If I had talked to my parents like that I'd have been knocked into next Thursday and if I talked to my in laws like that I'd be divorced! The nerve of the young punk! Never in a million years would I talk to anyone much less my elders like that. Oh how I WILL stand my ground! I must. Daughter may throw a fit, but too bad for her "she can get glad in the same pants she got mad in". I'm just so flabbergasted right now.
    Ruziska,

    You know, you sound like a pretty open minded, fair, and tolerant mother-in-law. The fact that this kid is burning a bridge with you over nothing says something about his short-sightedness and lack of maturity. He doesn't realize that he would be far better off getting along with you and being respectful of you, your own life, and your opinions, than not. Deliberately pissing off one's new mother-in-law for no good reason, is just plain stupid.

    One day, he will smartmouth the wrong person and end up getting a major ass-kicking.

    I'm sorry to hear things have been so difficult,

    Rob

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    Rita,
    I've been there, my friend. Kayla's ex was much like the way you describe this guy. She kept giving him chances and sometimes made excuses for him for a long while. It's called Stockholm Syndrome - when the victim makes excuses for their own torturer. Kayla finally got away from him and now has a good man for a fiancee. Unfortunately, she still has to deal with the jerk because they have a child together.
    I'm seeing some warning signs that the immature young man that Meg married might be headed the same direction, too. (I wish that I had gotten my girls out of Texas before they started dating seriously - they have had bad luck with rednecks!)
    We've found that it has been important to keep communication open with the girls. Kayla always knew that we would support her decisions and be there for her when she had to break away. It's been tough, and she's been on quite an emotional roller-coaster, but I'm so glad that she is happy now.
    I really hope that Meg isn't in for a rough time, but time will tell.
    Let your daughter know that you will always love her and the baby, but that you will not tolerate misogynistic treatment from her husband, and that you don't like seeing her treated that way, either. Hopefully, she'll come to her senses.
    Take good care of yourself.
    Hugs,
    Marla

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    i remember quite a few calm rants from you over the last year or so.

    we are hear for you.

    hopefully your daughter will not lose her relationship with you because of him.

    treat them, as they are inderviduals.
    you can respect her decision to be with ########
    he is a problem.
    that does not mean you two have a problem.

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    Quote Originally Posted by steve.b View Post
    i remember quite a few calm rants from you over the last year or so.

    we are hear for you.

    hopefully your daughter will not lose her relationship with you because of him.

    treat them, as they are inderviduals.
    you can respect her decision to be with ########
    he is a problem.
    that does not mean you two have a problem.
    CALM RANTS???? Thanks Steve! Calm eh? Thankfully you all can't hear me screaming when I write my rants. Trust me, it's duck and cover time when I'm on a tear! But I thank you all for your love and support.

    Stay tuned for an update early next week: the darling daughter and I are going out of town for a girls only weekend as soon as I get off work tomorrow. Long drive, plenty of time to talk. I will be super wonderful loving Mommy but NOT mommydoormat! I also get to see my grandson!
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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