your father is a great man.
i say is because he now lives on in his family.
he lives in you.
you honour him by remembering his greatness.
you honour him by following his guidelines.
you honour him by being you.
i am a better person because of our limited friendship
so i therefore honour your dad also.
his widom lives on through all of us.
I'm so sorry that you are going through so much pain. I watched Jeff deal with the same guilt and sadness after his mother's passing.
I agree with Kim and others that writing about your Dad and his extraordinary life and wisdom may be the best medicine for you.
Jeff's Mom was also a wit, and she loved to write. She had begun to write a book about raising her four boys with the fantastic title "Four of a Kind in a Full House with a Wild Queen". We have what she wrote, and Jeff spent many hours putting it into a digital form. I think that helped him a lot.
Someday, he hopes to return to it and perhaps add to it from his own perspective. I think that it would make a wonderful thing to pass on to our children and grandchildren.
Write about your Dad's life and write down all of that wonderful wit and wisdom while it is fresh in your mind. I think that it will prove to be healing for you, and will give your family some concrete memories to treasure.
Love & Hugs,