hi everyone sorry to put this on you but i am so frustrated . angry and tired. and worried all at the same time. as you know stephen has his pacemaker surgery on the 2nd of march and i am extremely fearful of this and his health has deteriated in the last week he will hardly eat because he gets puffed from eating he is exhausted all the time and cannot stand soundof any sort because oxygen is not circulating around his body. he has what they call sick sinus syndrome which apparently means he has problems with the wiring in his heart, they think he may also have muscle weakness and blocked arteries but they are doing pacemaker first hoping that will fix things. he is partially deaf and i am finding myself having yell at him to hear me which then upsets him because of the noise . he will not wear his hearing aids because he is stubborn.both him and mikaela have sleep apnea so they need there sleep and we have noisy neighbours who insists on turning music up to extremes all day and in the middle of the night. this upsets both of them then they get grumpy. i have asked politely for neighbours to turn music down because of stephens and mikaelas illnesses and have had obscene language yelled at me. i am tired because i cannot sleep checking on them all the time. and because i am so unwell myself i am flaring and in a lot of pain. i feel trapped in the house we never go anywhere other than doctors hospitals or to get groceries. i just have no time to myself and i am going stir crazy. i am getting a little grumpy myself and find myself either crying or snapping at people and this is not like me. everyone wants to be there the day of his surgery which is going to agitate me a bit i know this sounds selfish but i just want to concentrate on him and not have to worry about everyone else and making sure there alright and i found this what i had to do last time he was in hospital besides no one is allowed in there with but me.sorry if i am rambling but i just want to sleep and wake up out of this nightmare. thankyou for letting bash your ear my friends luv kim