Today is the first holiday that I have spent without my husband and the first holiday that I have spent being diagnosed. I don't know which is worse. I went to my mom and dad's today and what makes it so bad is that have been married 46 years. (not really a bad thing) just upsetting when some one leaves you after 17 years and just when you get diagnosed to. I should be thankful for my kids and my family, but I just want to cry today, My youngest son Harley passed away when he was 6 years oct 15 1998, missing him does not help either. I am also worried about the medication that the dr just put me on plaquenil I already have issues with my eyes and am worried that this med will make it worse.

I wish there was something that could change all this for everyone, no one should have to go through any of this, I am just learning more and more about lupus, I wish that my husband would learn about it I feel if he knew more than he wouldn't have left like he did, but right now he is not acting right and everyone says that he will come back and help me. I don't know how to handle all this by myself, well I not really by my self my 21 year old son is here with me but it is still not the same.

good night for now