I haven't been on here in a few months,I have had major life changes happen. Most of you that I talk to know that i was dignosed 8/8/11 after looking for answers for several years.Now I have been with my husband for over 17 years now. We have been through the worst things possible. 3 months after we were together our house burnt down and 5 months after we were married I lost my 6 year old son to a drowning. I have 2 grown children and he has 3 almost grown children. In the last month the man that I thought was my best friend walked out of my life.

He just got up one morning and said good bye. My children did not understand it, my son who is 21 lives with us and he said that he had no idea it was going to happen. I am not sure if there is another women involed that could be a possiblilty. He and a friend of mine are very close and I was told that she gave him the courage to leave since he was thinking about it all along. I have also learned that she is preventing him from coming to the doctor with me. Currently we are losing our home. it is in foreclosure. Yes we have major money problems because we dont' have any medical insurance and are having to afford most of my medical on our own.

I didn't even get a change to get use to the idea that I had lupus before he left. The kicker is we were trying to keep my mom from finding out about the lupus, she has stage 5 kidney failure and has been in and out of the hospital from a couple of months, but when he left I had to tell my dad who 70 years old what was going on. He felt like he couldn't keep it from my mom. the bad part is, well heck it is all bad.

the first couple of weeks he had left I didn't eat or sleep. My kids were terrified that I would do something crazy. All I could do was cry. My son Sam who only has a learners permit had to take me to the hospital. Boy was that a ride. Went back on the predisone for a could of weeks. Kids tried to talk to their step dad about all this, he didn't want to hear it. made another trip to the hospital were I was given more meds and something to help my anxity (think I spelled that wrong) any kept fighting with the husband, because he was not making much sence. Talked to his best friend and he said that he didn't understand what was going on. All he could say was that back in august when I was dignosed he came to me and told me and I explaine to him what I knew about it, after knowing someone with lupus. from that point he started acting strange.

the kicker to this is, the fact that my husband still tells me that he loves and that he would do anything for me, just that he can not live with me, however he does not want to go on his life with anyone else because if he does he knows that another women will not allow him to take care of me. Does this sound right to anyone?
Everyone says I should just give up and go on but my life is crashing down around me. On thursday I went back to the doctor, they put me on plaqunil ( spelled it wrong I am sure) pc does not work well either. I couldn't do anything but cry last night after he came over to get some of his stuff. I feel like my best friend died and left me all alone to deal with this crazy mess that I have. I can't afford this on my own and my disability has not started yet. But the dr is helping me get approved.

I will stop here cause I could keep going and going but what good will it do. He will still not be here and I will still be left alone with my children.