Why the earth am I so nervous about my 1st pain management appointment Thursday? It's seriously got my stomach in knots.
I mean, I should probably be excited, and even feel lucky to get to see the guy. I wouldn't be able to afford it without my hospital's assistance program. And maybe I'll get there and he'll be awesome. But right now all I feel is dread at having to try to accurately describe my pain, and fear that he won't believe me. My GP and Rheumy both know what I've been struggling thru this last year. And I have MRI results showing a decrease in bone marrow signal, and an extra vertabrae, and a bulging disk, but the darned thing says "minor" bulge, which I HATE! as it's giving me sooo much trouble. I honestly wish it showed a huge problem, just to validate the amount of pain it has given me.
The other thing is, I'm feeling better right now than I have in weeks. I finally have a combo of meds that's working for me. Unfortunately, one of those meds is a hardcore dose of Vicodin, which I know I have to get rid of. I've been on it way too long already, and I actually really want to be Vicodin-free, but I'm worried sick about both the withdrawal aspect, and how changing my meds now will quite possibly throw me into another flare. This last week in particular has been awesome, pain-wise, and now (NOW???) I'm jacking with it. So I'm fighting the "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" war with myself. All the time knowing that the vicodin shouldn't be considered a longtime 'fix'.
Oh, friends. . . I need all the good vibes and crossed fingers I can get right now.