I'm not sure if this is the right place to let it all out and bare our souls; but that's what I need to do right now, so that's what I'm going to do!

I spent 17 years battling an eating disorder. While an eating disorder is a real illness, it is one that you have a huge measure of control over yourself. When I began to enter recovery a year ago, I made the decision to use that control to choose health instead of illness. And what a choice that was! Finally I would have a life.

But fate would have it that I don't get any health. Now I am here. And I'm angry. I see all of you living your lives with strength and perseverance and there is so much hope... but I am afraid. I'm afraid that I will get a diagnosis, that this all is what it seems to be. Or on days that the symptoms don't line up, I'm afraid that I won't get a diagnosis, and that I'll still be confused. I have days that I have pain that is agonizing and days that I think I'm making it all up.

Today I feel like I am just a lazy wimp.

But I'm glad to be here. Thanks for all the support so far.