I want to go somewhere. Ok now that I got that out of my system.
For over a month now I have been stuck at home, One due to the heat hear in Carolina, I had a bad flare about a month ago and had to go to the hospital. Secondly the dr does not want me out much cause of all the meds that I am on. My husband agrees with me staying home and yes I understand and agree to a point. the most I have went out was to and from dr appointments and to and from the grocery store a couple of times and once to my mom's house but it was an emergancy. My husband and I have spent every weekend together for the last 16 years, until now. he works for his self and durning the week he goes off to his job like most, but on the weekends we got all our friends together and we worked. Now I am home none of our friends really know what's going on, we did tell one but decided not tell the rest at this point. At first when I started to stay home, I was cool with it but now I am not sure.
Every Saturday we always got up at 3 am and left to go out of town as I call it, well it's about an hour from where I live, This morning when my husband got up I was awake and all I could say was wish I could go. I know he felt bad leaving me at home, but it's driving me nuts. We had a decussion about how to deal with this as I told him, I felt that he was out leading his life and I was getting left out, He's one to come home and tell me everything that went on with his day and I hear all the things that he and our friends did together that day and realize that I am missing out on it because of this stupid lupus that I wish someone has packed up there... nevermind that last comment. Anyway I doin't want my husband to feel like he can't tell me what he did for fear that it will up set me. but dang this is crazy. Hubby keeps saying when the meds are changed and the weather is cooler he will take me somewhere. Which is great but that don't change the fact that I am stuck here now.
On the days that I feeling some what better, I clean house and take care of my 3 dogs and 2 cats and 1 turtle, and my grown son(who still lives with us) but you can only do so much of that. I think I have also watched every movie known to man kind right now, and have checked out every lupus website there is durning this time.
So how does a person cope with something like this, a really good friend of mine, keeps calling and checking on me and asking if I am getting depressed from having to stay home, no I don't think I am I think I am more or less mad with the situation at hand. Angery is what I keep telling everyone. My friend she had a stroke about 2 months ago and when she got out of the hospital she couldn't drive for a few days but it was only a few days and yesw if she needed to go somewhere someone took her. She makes the comment that she understood how I felt, As I explained to her "she could still go somewhere, she just couldn't drive" not the same thing at all. If I go out side and stay for more than 10 minutes in this sun and heat I swell up so bad that I can't move at all.
Now that I am dignosed with lupus (which I hate that word right now) I feel so much of less a person and feel that life is going on with out me. My husband is trating me like a baby and when he goes out of town he feels the need to bring me stuff home. So every Saturday he returns with lots of goodies as if it were christmas or something. I keep telling him he doesn't have to do this, but he insist, even one of his friends that knows what is going on, has started helping him bring me goodies. what do I do about it or do I just let my husband and his friend keep bring me stuff every weekend. I feel it's wrong.
I just want to get out of my house, I want to run away for awhile and then come back and so ok now I can handle this and take on the world but that's not a good idea either.
Maybe I am just being a big baby about this...