Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 26

Thread: Dealing with bad times.

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    64
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked 8 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Dealing with bad times.

    I am on of those people that everyone always comes to and relies on for everything and people insist on telling me every ounce of their life and normally that's great I love it. But right now I am having a horrible flare up, with a great deal of personal stress in my life, and just getting diagnosed and I need a break from everyone that relies on me, I need some TLC. How do I get this and not feel guilty for needing it?

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    Montana
    Posts
    496
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    279
    Thanked 257 Times in 145 Posts

    Default

    There's a wonderful word in the english language and it is spelled N O no. Practice saying it. The thing is, you have to take care of yourself first. You really don't have a choice. Being sick will not be ignored. It will not take a back seat, it won't accept a raincheck, it won't leave you alone, give you a break or buzz off. It DEMANDS attention. It demands to be the center of your universe. It will fight harder and louder until it gets your full attention. You have to respect it, recognize it, learn to live with and deal with it. You cannot brush it off and take care of others then possibly, maybe deal with it. You deal with it, you take care of it by taking care of yourself and THEN you take care of everyone else. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't have the ability to take care of anyone else. Guilt? It is something you'll eventually get over. You keep telling yourself that I need to take care of myself first. YOU are your best advocate. YOU are the voice. You explain to others what is going on, or not if you chose not to and you take care of yourself. Those who really love and respect you will get it and be fine with it. Those who don't, in my opinion, aren't worth the energy. It isn't easy putting yourself first. I'm not going to tell you it is. For some people it is the hardest thing they'll ever do but it must be done. Self preservation. Taking care of ourselves. I have a friend who tells me that if I can't be good for myself, I'm no good for anyone else. Words to live by. Once that sinks in, the guilt fades away.
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

  3. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to ruziska For This Useful Post:

    lovedbyHim (08-01-2011), nicolehinkel (08-02-2011), panda_lupo (08-02-2011), rob (08-02-2011), Saysusie (08-12-2011), sharpiessave (08-02-2011), steve.b (08-01-2011), tgal (08-02-2011)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Posts
    879
    Thanks
    409
    Thanked 270 Times in 194 Posts

    Default

    Hi Nicole, I too am a caregiver. My profession is social work and I naturally give of myself without ceasing. But you learn over time to balance that. I have a dad who suffered a stroke years ago. I was burning myself out trying to live up to everyones expectations. Finally I said, I can't. My sister became very angry and the guilt was hard, but I have no regrets. Balance is vital when every day your own body is waring again you. Stress is horrible for lupus. Have you read "The Spoon Theory?" This might help you. It's on the net. I don't know how to clip and paste, but I'm sure you can find or someone else who reads this will. Bless you dear as you learn to balance demands placed on you.

  5. #4
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    45
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 7 Times in 6 Posts

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Tammy2011 For This Useful Post:

    lovedbyHim (08-02-2011)

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Location
    Atlanta Area - Dacula and Boca Raton
    Posts
    1,814
    Blog Entries
    12
    Thanks
    379
    Thanked 402 Times in 325 Posts

    Default

    I'm am also one of those that everyone turns to. And the hardest thing was learning to say no. Now I simply say" no I can't help you this week; maybe I can next.". I stopped trying to give explanation

    As for getting someone to give you TLC - you need a friend, a real friend. And they are hard to find, good luck.

    Just know that your virtual friends are here
    Last edited by Nonna; 08-02-2011 at 02:07 AM.

  8. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Nonna For This Useful Post:

    lovedbyHim (08-02-2011), tgal (08-02-2011)

  9. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Posts
    879
    Thanks
    409
    Thanked 270 Times in 194 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tammy2011 View Post
    Yes! Thank you so much!

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to lovedbyHim For This Useful Post:

    nicolehinkel (08-02-2011)

  11. #7
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Kansas City Area
    Posts
    110
    Thanks
    76
    Thanked 87 Times in 51 Posts

    Default

    Ruziska, this is absolutley the most brilliant, brutal and concise way of saying this I've ever seen. I want to print it out and carry it around in my pocket to look at the many, many times I have to say no. It comes at the perfect time in my life, too. This time last year I wasn't ready to hear any of that "no guilt" nonsense. I thought I could handle my sickness right along with everybody else's struggles. It was like I had to proove myself still useful to everyone. Yes, my knees are killing me, but I'll still take out the trash in the snow. Yes, I feel like I'm imploding, but I'll still be your daughter's free daycare. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. . . My revelation didn't happen overnight. It took quite a few times of crashing hardcore to get it into my thick skull that I wouldn't live very much longer if I kept up the pace of my 'well' self. In fact, it was a little less than a week ago that I finally realized the guilt was gone. It didn't take my compassion with it. I still do all I can for whoever I can. But when I can't, I don't feel ashamed anymore, and that's made a huge difference in my quality of life.
    Last edited by sharpiessave; 08-02-2011 at 06:22 AM. Reason: too early to be typing

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to sharpiessave For This Useful Post:

    lovedbyHim (08-02-2011)

  13. #8
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    3,681
    Thanks
    426
    Thanked 1,105 Times in 628 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by ruziska View Post
    There's a wonderful word in the english language and it is spelled N O no. Practice saying it. The thing is, you have to take care of yourself first. You really don't have a choice. Being sick will not be ignored. It will not take a back seat, it won't accept a raincheck, it won't leave you alone, give you a break or buzz off. It DEMANDS attention. It demands to be the center of your universe. It will fight harder and louder until it gets your full attention. You have to respect it, recognize it, learn to live with and deal with it. You cannot brush it off and take care of others then possibly, maybe deal with it. You deal with it, you take care of it by taking care of yourself and THEN you take care of everyone else. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't have the ability to take care of anyone else. Guilt? It is something you'll eventually get over. You keep telling yourself that I need to take care of myself first. YOU are your best advocate. YOU are the voice. You explain to others what is going on, or not if you chose not to and you take care of yourself. Those who really love and respect you will get it and be fine with it. Those who don't, in my opinion, aren't worth the energy. It isn't easy putting yourself first. I'm not going to tell you it is. For some people it is the hardest thing they'll ever do but it must be done. Self preservation. Taking care of ourselves. I have a friend who tells me that if I can't be good for myself, I'm no good for anyone else. Words to live by. Once that sinks in, the guilt fades away.
    If we gave out awards for great posts, the trophy would go to you Ruziska.

    Well said.

  14. The Following 6 Users Say Thank You to rob For This Useful Post:

    lovedbyHim (08-02-2011), panda_lupo (08-02-2011), Saysusie (08-12-2011), sharpiessave (08-02-2011), steve.b (08-02-2011), tgal (08-02-2011)

  15. #9
    rob is offline Super Moderator Super ModeratorEmperor of the World
    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    3,681
    Thanks
    426
    Thanked 1,105 Times in 628 Posts

    Default

    [QUOTE=sharpiessave;94079]Ruziska, this is absolutley the most brilliant, brutal and concise way of this I've ever seen. I want to print it out and carry it around in my pocket to look at the many, many times I have to say no. QUOTE]

    I agree 100%.

    It's powerful stuff, and a frakking awesome post.

  16. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    64
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked 8 Times in 6 Posts

    Default

    Thank you everyone. Yesterday morning I thought I was having a good day well then I crashed and then was a little better and now I just got up and feel dead to the world, I'm so exhausted however I have to get stuff for my son's birthday tomorrow, I have client's tax work sitting here to be done and I have to be in work in a little over 3 hours and I's so exhausted. I just left work early on Thursday to go to the emergency room, friday I called out because of the ER dr and then worked Sunday but now I have to work 5 days in a row. I can't afford not to but right now symptoms are so bad. I have so much stress right now and was told that triggers flare ups but the flare up is causing me more stress and it's like now that I know what the illness is, I feel like I am using it as an excuse.

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •