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Thread: heartbreaking decision

  1. #11
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    Kim - I feel you. I have a 29 year old son and there have been times when we must break from each other. Last summer was a heartbreaking time for both of us. We're healing but we're still wary. Sometimes I think "he still doesn't get it" and then he'll say or do something and I know he DID "get it" or is in the process of "getting it." Peace to you.

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    Kim,
    Good for you. You did what you needed to do.
    He has to hit rock bottom before he decides on his own to do something about it. By trying to help him, you were enabling him.
    Stick by your decision and protect your own health and the rest of your family.
    Lots of Hugs,
    Marla

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    Kim:

    I understand why you did it and you made the right choice. I went through a similar situation a few years ago with my then 20 year old. It wasn't easy and it hurt like hell. That was my baby boy, except he wasn't my baby anymore. I didn't want to kick him out of my life, but I still had a 15 year old at home I had to protect as well as myself. Fortunately he's got his act together and I have the loving son I raised back in my life and on his way to being a daddy this fall. I doubt anyone on this forum is mad at you for what you did, more like we feel for you and want nothing but the best for you.
    Sending hugs and prayers your way.
    "I'm going to get healthy or die trying"

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    I hope everything works out well, Kim. I will keep you in my thoughts

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    Kim, I can't add any better words than those said by members who have been through similar situations. What a horrible decision to have to make, but I agree with everyone else, it was the right one. Feeling safe is one of the most basic needs we have, and you have to give that to yourself and the rest of your family.

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    Kim, this shows incredible strength and fortitude on your part. I hope and pray your son will return to you oneday, until then, its important to look after yourself. It's not selfish to put your needs first, it's a necessity! and as you're a mother, it probably doesn't happen enough There is a reason airlines tell you to put your own mask on first when things are going 'down'.

    People will judge you for it, (though prob not here at empathy central I'm glad that your family is behind you, though also sad for your sons predicament. Something that has helped me deal with judgement issues..... Your opinion of someone else is none of their business, and their opinion of you is none of yours.
    (Unless of course they think I'm just FABULOUS, in that case.... tell me, tell me, tell me!)

    I hope you are feeling better soon Kim, take pride in yourself for making a very tough decision and then taking action to follow it through. And trust that you have done the right thing for you and your family, son included.
    My thoughts are with you,
    Sonja

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    Kim I think you did the right thing for all concerned. If any one should say something to you, just tell them this:

    "Don't judge me until you've walked a mile in my shoes"

    Do you really care what others think? Those who care about you understand and support you. Everyone here who has told you their stories have supplied you with "hope" cling to that. We know you did the right thing; so please try to move forward with baby steps.

    Hugs and Good thoughts are headed your way

  9. #18
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    Hi Kimj, I just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you so much. Always believe that this child can turn around, if he chooses to. But the ball is now in his court. Rest from the battle dear. I'm so glad you reached out to this family for encouragement. I know they are vital to my well being. Just lifted a prayer up for you. (((HUGS)))

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    Kim,

    You also have my " approval", not that you need it, but we are all behind you.
    I know you thought about your decision for a long time and it is what you had to do.
    He knows once he gets his life in order, he can come back to his family.
    Take care of your health first, that is the most important thing right now.

    Debbie
    I may have been dealt a bad hand, but at least I'm still playing with a full deck. ( most of the time anyway).

  11. #20
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    Kim! I havent read other peoples comments... so I dont know if anyone has already said this... but you have absolutely done the right thing!

    Sometimes... people can not see what they are doing, until they lose everything. One day, he will hit rock bottom and realise he has done something even he couldnt imagine he would ever do... he will realise he lost his family and he will finally decide to get help for himself.

    People only change when they want to.

    I know you will feel guilty no matter what we say... but he is a grown man, not a child. You have tried your best, now helping him will put your other child at risk... and that just isnt fair. Your adult child has made an adult decision to ruin his own life... its in his hands now. Just pray for him, keep him in your thoughts and wish the best for him. One day he will come around. But please, know you did everything for him within your power. And he needs to learn to walk alone now and understand the consequences of his choices.

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