Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 21

Thread: heartbreaking decision

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Location
    hervey bay queensland australia
    Posts
    1,139
    Thanks
    150
    Thanked 205 Times in 175 Posts

    Unhappy heartbreaking decision

    on the weekend i made a decision that has broke my heart but i had to do this for my health as many of you know my eldest child josh is an alcoholic and gambling addict with severe violent tendancies after many attempts at putting him through rehab program he has failed and i have had to endure many bouts of abuse, on the weekend after a phone call from him that consisted of words i cannot mention i have come to the end of my rope i have decided i need to cut him out of my life for my own health and sanity i feel such guilt but i know this is what i have to do my brain tells me this but my heart is broken i finally realise i have lost my son to his addiction and admitting defeat is the hardest thing i have had to do but the baby boy i gave birth to is no longer there i know there will be some people who will judge me for this but i have to do this for me and my husband and my 13 year old daughter i am scared of my own son i have not left my house all week in fact i have not left my bed the stress has caused me to be in so much pain i can hardly walk and the depression is so badi have been crying since sunday my family members understand my decision but i do not know if i will ever be able to forgive myself thankyou for listening and i understand if some of you are angry for what i have done , kim l

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Location
    California
    Posts
    1,213
    Thanks
    280
    Thanked 208 Times in 162 Posts

    Default

    Tough love isn't easy, Kim. I'm very sorry you had to do it, but perhaps it'll make a noticeable improvement on your health.

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2011
    Location
    pinjarra, western australia
    Posts
    2,913
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    1,393
    Thanked 1,617 Times in 1,107 Posts

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by kim,l View Post
    i understand if some of you are angry for what i have done , kim l
    i for one only feel compassion and sorrow.
    anger does not come into it even slightly.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Posts
    25
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts

    Default

    I am so sorry that you had to go through this.
    Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain. ~ anon

  5. #5
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Indiana, USA
    Posts
    288
    Blog Entries
    1
    Thanks
    73
    Thanked 113 Times in 86 Posts

    Default

    Good for you.

    Judging from your post, you probably didn't expect anyone to say that, but seriously, good for you.

    Choosing to cut someone you love out of your life is an extremely hard one. But at the same time, when that person is diseased and hurting you, it can be a necessary step towards the future and the better.

    Personally, I went through somewhat of the same thing, though in reverse - I cut my father out of my life. He was very abusive and unwell. I kept trying for years to satisfy him and make him happy, to be there for him and have a real relationship, but it was never enough - *I* was never enough.
    I learned that you need to surround yourself with people who want three basic things for you.
    That you are 1) Happy, 2) Healthy, 3) Safe.
    If you're around someone who's making you feel sick, scared and miserable - that person obviously doesn't want those things for you, and shouldn't be in your life.
    Ultimately, its an extremely hard decision, but you have to live your life for you, and surround yourself with people who love and care for you. You've tried your hardest, gotten knocked down, got back up, and tried again and again, but it hasn't worked. It's hard, very hard, and even though you probably feel weak with guilt right now - doing this means that you are a strong person.

    It'll get better.

    And there are always more chances. If your son does ever win over his addiction, and come clean, he can always try again to have a real relationship with you - one that you both deserve.

    Blessings; my thoughts are with you.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Elo For This Useful Post:

    Gizmo (07-06-2011), steve.b (07-06-2011)

  7. #6
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Posts
    879
    Thanks
    409
    Thanked 270 Times in 194 Posts

    Default

    Kim j , I had to do the same with one of my children and lost them for years. They lived in someone's basement I heard at one point and yes some people will judge, But... you did the right thing to save the rest of you. Bless you for the love and strength to do it. This may be what turns him around someday. My heart hears your mothers heart. I cried rivers over that. Mine threatened me and I had to hide my house key. Bless you dear woman.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to lovedbyHim For This Useful Post:

    Gizmo (07-06-2011)

  9. #7
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Location
    Philadelphia, PA
    Posts
    322
    Thanks
    120
    Thanked 86 Times in 59 Posts

    Default

    KIM I'm sorry you've had to do this, but yes I agree good for you. I can understand where you're coming from even though you can't compare a mothers love for her child, sadly I've had to do the same with my father. Like you for my well being and sanity. My father has battled a crack addiction for as long as I can remember. He has stolen from me and my mother, he has physically abused her. I've been sort of "lucky" I guess as Ive married at 17 to move out of my house in order not to deal with my father. I couldnt take his verbal abuse towards me and my mother was scared to stand up to him and defend me. I understand her also. He's been in and out of rehab and has been clean for years, but every time he relaspes it gets worse and worse. I just wish my mother would open her eyes and kick him to the curb. Shes bbeen with him 40 years and knows no better. Shes old fashion and believes whole heartely you marry till death do you part. Which in most cases its true not in hers. I fear for her life and she just doesnt get it. Tough love is the way to go. hand in there and I hope and pray he can recover from that horrible disease. Hugs!

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to chikititalinda For This Useful Post:

    Gizmo (07-06-2011)

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Location
    Lebanon, Pa.
    Posts
    795
    Blog Entries
    4
    Thanks
    26
    Thanked 77 Times in 54 Posts

    Default

    Kim i am so sorry for the heartache you feel and the fear i have had a child who went to rehab after being on the streets for months because of drugs and alchol but she finally came to her senses and asked for help and overcame it with Gods help we all survived i hope and pray that things will work out for you take care of yourself first love BonitA

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to Bonita For This Useful Post:

    Gizmo (07-06-2011)

  13. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    2,036
    Thanks
    345
    Thanked 365 Times in 315 Posts

    Default

    Hello Kim,

    As you know i've never had children to cross this dicision in life but i've not walked it for 42 years with my eyes shut and not knowing people in the same position as yourself.
    Nobody as the right to stand and accuse you, drug addictions besides gambling is a well known fact is a life led around money and all respect leaves that person and who they've been close to.

    I'll admit it must have been really hard for you besides what your going through but at the end of the day as long as you know best in your mind that's all that counts, not what other's think and you don't deserve abuse which is hard to handle alone never mind being ill and as long as your family stand by your dicision that's all that counts...getting over it will be the hard bit but we're here for you mate anytime and you know that kim.

    Do takecare and i'm thinking of you dearly Terry. xxxxxxxxx
    Last edited by Peridot20_Gem; 07-06-2011 at 07:14 AM.

  14. #10
    Join Date
    May 2011
    Location
    Pennsylvania, USA
    Posts
    879
    Thanks
    409
    Thanked 270 Times in 194 Posts

    Default

    Hey kimj I forgot to tell you, my boy loves me to pieces now and he just called this AM to check on me. Never give up but do use tough love for everyone's good including your son. (((hugs)))

  15. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to lovedbyHim For This Useful Post:

    Gizmo (07-06-2011), steve.b (07-07-2011)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •