"It's not Lupus" ..... Quoting Dr House
I have never seen these episodes that people often tell me about. Bu apparently it really isn't Lupus.
I thought I had better let people know why I have disappeared for a while and to explain why I will be gone for quite a while.
My GP and Rheumy believe that there is something else wrong with me unrelated to Lupus. So I am being poked, prodded, injected, sucked out, you name it, I am having it done to me. My GP is convinced something serious is wrong with me, but I keep telling her that as soon as my feet and hip get steroids shots, I can do more exercise, build up my strength, build up my muscles, sleep better, put on weight, and start to become 'me' again.
As many of you know I am a very positive person, always willing to make people who feel bad about a situation have a laugh. I am heavily into trying to be physically, emotionally, and spiritually healthy. But with my rapidly failing health, I must admit, my life is being sucked out of me. I am walking around in a trans most of the time, not able to function. I am struggling trying to complete the end of term. School breaks up at the end of next week and I am busy trying to grade papers, and write reports. Which is so difficult when I cannot think straight.
My current situation is: C .... R ..... A ..... P !!!!!!!!
- My muscles are fast wasting away. I could swim up to 15 mins in the pool and stop only because I didn't want to do too much. I cannot eve swim 1/3 of the pool now.
- My upper strength has gone from me. At times I cannot even carry a cup full of hot water to my classroom.
- I cannot stand for more than 30 seconds
- I am waking up every hour, and probably not even sleeping for half of that hour
- I have no idea what I am supposed to teach, I have a note book with me at all times to remind me of what I am supposed to do. But fortunately I think I am still teaching reasonably OK
- I mix up the kids grades, and then have to check and recheck them
- OK OK, so there is a lot of brain fog happening, you can only have to imagine what it is like for me
- My joints are so sore - and it really isn't Lupus, that is why the DRs are so worried
- I am still loosing weight.
On a positive note, I have had one steroid injection in my left foot, the right will be done on Friday. Unfortunately, I found out today that it will take 3 - 7 days before I will feel different. But my GP said that she is pretty sure that it won't make any difference because there is something wrong with me. On top of everything, I keep loosing my balance, more than ever
Anyway, you get the idea, it is 3:51am, and I have bee awake for a couple of hours, and I need to leave home at 7pm to drive to the hospital to get this whole body scan done.
Oh and I said to the ultrasound doctor when he gave me the steroid injection that I thought the injection in my foot would be painful, and he said it usually is, but with the amount of pain I am in, I wouldn't have felt it. Gee that was comforting.
Usually when I am having a bad time pain wise, or health wise, I usually deal with it in a positive way, and really appreciate the little things in life and enjoy myself. I put on my happy mask and therefore ... I become happy. But I found myself a few weeks ago becoming agitated, and it was reflected in some of my posts. You probably wouldn't have even noticed it, but I know when my posts started to change. So I decided to stay way from WHL until I started feeling better physically and mentally. I noticed a few people mentioning that they wished 'Linda was here to make us laugh" Sorry guys, Happy Linda is no where to be seen for the distant future.
I am really snowed under at school and I am trying to get the reports completed, My school is very supportive of me, and has made so many accommodations. But if I don't get the reports finished, I still have to do them during the holidays, and I am going interstate for a work conference for a week when school closes. I would like to actually have a few days holiday before coming back home and starting the whole planning for the next term nightmare. It isn't going to be easy for me especially if I keep deteriorating, and the doctors haven't found out what is wrong with me.
I will check in from time to time, but I won't be posting anything for a long time. Sorry guys, but I cannot risk saying inappropriate things, you are all so special to me and you have no idea how happy you make me feel. Bye for now, look after yourselves, live a very healthy lifestyle, and what ever you do, don't let that mask slip... keep it glued on with super glue.
Diagnosed with Lupus - 22 June, 2010