I fell back to sleep just now and had a dream. Maybe it was set off bt Ritz,s thread; I'm not upset with her. More myself, I was taught as a child to hid my feelings and do what's best for all. I think that index to express something that happened several weeks ago that I've buried. I'm even trying to bury it now by putting it here so as not to offend or hurt anyone.

I wanted very badly to go to a major tournament with the family. It's so much fun. But I was told I can't go this year. The room is too small and then there's the sun and heat and another room would cost too much. You'd do better to go visit my brother. You need to spend time with his family you see us every day.

Ok this is all true; but dammit it still hurts me majorly.


Now to the Faith part; the Lord has some sort of plan. He always does. I just get tired of feeling like I'm being constantly tested. I guess after 20+ years: I'm tired of being alone in a crowd.

Lord I do trust in you, I'm just so tired.

I just needed to express this. I am grateful to see the happiness of others and only ask that they all realize how blest they are.