Feelings and Faith
I fell back to sleep just now and had a dream. Maybe it was set off bt Ritz,s thread; I'm not upset with her. More myself, I was taught as a child to hid my feelings and do what's best for all. I think that index to express something that happened several weeks ago that I've buried. I'm even trying to bury it now by putting it here so as not to offend or hurt anyone.
I wanted very badly to go to a major tournament with the family. It's so much fun. But I was told I can't go this year. The room is too small and then there's the sun and heat and another room would cost too much. You'd do better to go visit my brother. You need to spend time with his family you see us every day.
Ok this is all true; but dammit it still hurts me majorly.
Now to the Faith part; the Lord has some sort of plan. He always does. I just get tired of feeling like I'm being constantly tested. I guess after 20+ years: I'm tired of being alone in a crowd.
Lord I do trust in you, I'm just so tired.
I just needed to express this. I am grateful to see the happiness of others and only ask that they all realize how blest they are.
My family is really good about wanting to include me in things they do, and trips they go on. My hurt comes from almost always having to tell them no, I can't. I hope they understand the reasons why I have to say no so often.
I sometimes wish I had some sort of faith. Something to look to and maybe lean on. Like you, I just get so tired, mentally as well as physically.
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to rob For This Useful Post:
lovedbyHim (06-21-2011), Nonna (06-21-2011)
Nonna, I know how you feel, it hurts not to be included in things that you would love to take part in. I often say, I'm so sick of all this and I wonder what's the point of it all. I'm never feeling well, actually I've totally forgotten what feeling well is like. But, don't feel all alone in the crowd, just look around and you will see all of us standing there with you.
'Friends are like stars.....You don't always see them, but you know they are there.'
The Following User Says Thank You to lacey50 For This Useful Post:
Rob I am the same way. It hurts so much. I miss my grandson's baseball games. Ugh!
The Following User Says Thank You to lovedbyHim For This Useful Post:
i'm feeling alone in the crowd, sometimes I feel like a useless burden. I know it's just cause I'm sick at the moment and home - when I'm usally at work. If I stay in my room; I'm told that's all I do. If I come downstairs to be with them they leave the room. At least It feels like they do because of me. I know the Lord has his plan. but i am so tired emotionally, that everything hurts.
today I find it hard to be positive
Hi Nonna you bring tears to my eyes. I'm sorry you are hurting. You are valuable here and we want to hear from you. When to are quiet, I just pray.
Faith I. The Lord is a good thing. It's been six weeks since I started this thread. I still feel alone in the crowd; but I can function again. I'm back with the choir and working on saving my money for next year.