It's getting too heavy
Could ya'll be praying please? Either for strength or something to be lifted? Either one would be really nice about now. I keep trying but you know how sometimes it just gets so heavy and keeps knocking you back down...sometimes you just get worn out...
I'm about whipped.
Oh my dear girl,
You just rest and im sending you lots of love n will think of you all today,hoping you get the strength back to feel a little better soon.It will get better just think that,dont let it win,you have come to far.You are so strong and so caring to everyone,we wont let it win..together we will help you through this.
Lots of love n hugs
I am sending you my prayers also. I know that it can get so heavy at times and we can feel almost hopeless. You are not alone, please know that, and I am keeping you in my prayers.
Peace and Blessings
Thanks... I really appreciate it. It's not just the illness...there's a lot of stressful stuff going on in life in general. More than the usual.
You are in my prayers, let go and let God.
I totally understand (can you tell I'm a Cali girl?). The stressful "life" stuff is difficult enough, but throw in a chronic illness and you've got yur hands more than full.
Originally Posted by abbasgirl
Please take care and give yourself some slack. Rest when you need to and do whatever it takes relieve/deal with some of that stress.
Thanks everyone...I'm doing what I'm supposed to, but certain things and people in life keeps trying to keep me from resting...know what I mean? For example, I can turn the ringer off...but people will come beat on the door. I can ignore the door but there are some people in my life who will then beat on the windows demanding a reply. I have those kinds of people in my life that don't know when to quit and are hard to get away from. It's just so hard to get some peace and for this past month it's been more difficult than usual. I've even gotten in their faces which has bought me some time from them but that's all it's done. Which makes California sound that much more wonderful to visit or perhaps move to, if only i could. lol.
I had a pretty good day yesterday. It was interrupted, which is becoming the norm, but it was a short breather at least. I wasn't as sick yesterday so...
Tomorrow I have the procedure on my throat at the hospital that I'm nervous about, the new puppy goes in to get "fixed" this week and the vet insists she stay overnight and I'm nervous for her (I hope she doesn't think we've sent her back to the shelter), my daughter turns 18 this week and it will be a small bday and I'm depressed about that, and we've got some relatives to cope with this week that are thrown in some of which are beyond foul and... my new migraine preventative med is making things more interesting too lately. Brain fog is at an all time high and my body is doing some new funky things...and i'm still having migraines. still no news from the GI doc about helping me get in with that nice rheumy he knows.
But I can feel the prayers and good thoughts. I wanted ya'll to know and to know that I appreciate it very much and miss you all. I'm keeping all of you in my thoughts and prayers and reading the board and keeping up when I can. The "migraines" in my eyes keep me from it a lot again lately. Love my WHL family! XOXOXOXO
Oh My Gosh;
You have quite a bit on your plate right now. I do hope that you are able to find some restful periods without interruption. I'm sure your daughter will appreciate any type of celebration that you are able to provide for you.
Do take care of yourself and know that we are all thinking of you.
Peace and Blessings
The procedure, EGD, didn't go so well. The people that prepped me for it were very warm and nice. Nurse that cared for me afterward was great. The people who actually accompany and help the doctor perform it were unprofessional and cold. The doc was late. they were griping him out for it and it wasn't joking around either. they shoved things around and were a little rough with me until i protested. short version, it sucked.
due to his tardiness, they didn't like that i wanted to talk to him before the procedure but I was gonna...tough noogies and i took my time too. i asked doc about a few things with swallowing, if it's true the throat helps you lubricate the throat more than the mouth and oh absolutely he said and he went into detail about that. i asked if i could try some medications that sjogren's patients use to lubricate their mouths and throats with and he said i'd have to ask my rheumy about that. i reminded him my past rheumy said sjogren's only affects the mouth, not the throat at all, she knows zip about sjogren's and i have no rheumy, he was supposed to talk to his rheumy friend about me, remember? he forgot!!! it went downhill from there. he said it's procedural to dilate the throat for dysphagia and he had an understanding that's what we were going to do today and I said NO, I didn't know that. I had read up on that beforehand but my understanding was they were going to dilate any tissue thickening they saw in there, if there were any. He explained the therapy to me...what dilation does. After some consideration I told him okay. Plus I figure if I don't do it, it will just be another one of those situations where they'll say "well I suggested this and you didn't try it." I had read up on it, I was informed. I was prepared because I knew they would have needed to do that anyway. If it would help me eat normally, GREAT...worth a shot!
BUT they gave me no warning before they started to put me under but i could tell i was and i told the nurse i did not feel right TWICE. i've been through 5 surgeries and no problems ever and this did not feel right to me at all but next thing i knew i was out.
i came to in a recovery room not knowing where i was but quickly figured it out. that's never happened to be me before either. I woke up angry for some reason. i wasn't in pain. they had used lidocaine and it was still "working". later on i felt as though someone had punched me in the throat and stomach from the dilation. doc comes in the room and the entire five minutes he was there he kept trying to back out of the room looking very uncomfortable. this is the same guy who was so COMPASSIONATE at my first visit with him at his office and sent me the copy of the nice letter he sent my pcp about helping me to find a good rheumy and everything. They saw no masses or any narrowing which we already knew from the barium scan so that was no news really but said he dilated me and he hopes that will help. But guess what yall...it's day two since then and I'm still having the same problem swallowing. ugh.
Then he goes on to say that for the first ten minutes after i was put under that i cried solid...and that it's unusual, and people with depression tend to do that. At that point I started to cry and I wanted to just throw something at him thinking, well he's a specialist about that huh, and i've got that too huh, and so what if I do, people in pain ought to feel depressed, DUH! So I said, angrily I might add, what do you SUGGEST I DO about that? He's nearly out the door when I asked that....Oh he doesn't know, he just thought he'd report it to me becuase I was gushing tears uncontrollably. and he finally inched his sorry tail out of the room completely as he said "see you in six weeks, okay?" Nope. No way.
I really suck at picking doctors. I really do.
So...I'm going to get my fanny down south and visit Phyllis' doctor as soon as she can fit me in. I don't know how I'm going to get there but we'll work that out. She's on my PPO list.
And that makes me feel a little better...along with the sweetness Phyllis puts in her messages to me the past couple of days. Thanks again Phyllis.
My throat is feeling a little more normal today but it's no different than it was before I went in. So all of that for NOTHING! And now I find all kinds of articles about how dilation doesn't really help a lot of people with dysphagia. No, there's no way I will return to see that doctor. He totally dropped the ball and in a huge way. I have spent a long time waiting on him to help in more ways than one that he said he would. It was a huge tease. Plus I can just see it, he'll dump me totally on my rheumy...the throat is his department, not the rheumy's. I wonder if Phyllis' rheumy can suggest a good GI doc?
Tomorrow is daughter's bday and I see my pcp...and my daughter is being such an unselfish angel, Lord bless her...but I feel so bad and wish we could bless her so richly...you only turn 18 once and I wanted it to be special for her. We thought next week may hold some breathers but...it's not looking so great either. Hubby thought maybe he could get in some overtime today and next week we could do something special later for our baby girl but some brats at work pitched a fit to get the overtime instead and got it so....there's that. I got puppy's "fix" date wrong...it's next Tuesday. We've got some unexpected bad company showing up next week...and some other unexpected things happening next week too.
It's still just so heavy. I am trying my darndest to get my second wind and it just won't be quiet long enough for me to get it. I count my blessings and honest, in the middle of even things like that something will interrupt even that!
hi babe sorry to hear your gonig through rough time too at mo! as well as seniding you huge massive gentle hugs i'll send you a couple of saying that help me get through the days!
Yesterday is History
Tomorrow is a Mistery
Today is a Gift that is why its called the present!
Failure isn't when you fall, it's when you stay down. The glory
of success is not in never falling, its,s in rising up again - and
again and again and again
i find these help remember to take each day as they come and no matter how many times i get knocked down i always get back up thou some times it takes me abit longer soemtimes to get back up then others!