I want my life back.
Hey there..I really need to ramble on. No one ever really wants to listen on bad days. They get annoyed cuz you complain all the time. I've been trying to stop getting on everyones nerves to no avail. I've been really depressed for the past month...and everyone who I thought would be there for me has gone away. No one really wants to deal with me anymore because they prefer the happy peppy giggly me that I just cant manage to be anymore.My boyfriend just broke up with me last night because he cant deal with my weird moods anymore. He told me he just doesnt feel the same about me anymore, doesnt love me anymore. I really want to just stop taking my medicatioms. They've been making me feel worse rather than better. I need my life back. It feels like its slowly been slipping away. And I feel dumb for being all upset. Ive read what other people on here have said about their own problems. I dont even have it bad. Other than purple fingers and some joint pain sometimes I didnt even have any problems til I got on these meds. I dont know. Im sorry for going on and on for anyone who reads this..
One things for sure is that you should not give up yur meds. Although you may feel like they are doing you more harm than good, you have been put on them for a reason and they will make you better in the long run. you just need to give your body time to adjust!
Feel free to message me any time you need!
I promise it gets better. I'm not on meds yet, i see the rheumy for the first time since my daughter was born today (yay finally). I have sen people on the meds and yes they feel horrible at first but fter awhile they start to notice a difference for the positive. Feel free to check out my blog on Myspace. It's all about feeling depressed and wanting life back the way it was. www.myspace.com/allboutbritt It does feel as though as soon as you need them, the people you need most aren't there. I have had to deal with it myself and I have found (not that it helps me any) that people who abandon us or get very stand offish are just scared, possibly more scared than we are. They aren't sure how to even touch you after a diagnosis like this. (well some of them not all) My father disowned me at the very thought that someone in the family inadvertantly gave this to me. So please mesage me anytime you need to talk and check out the blog. There is also a video on my front page called "Lupus is Beautiful" it is an awesome video about lupus awareness, very uplifting at these times.
I'm sorry your boyfriend broke up with you. I understand how hurt you are. I had dated a girl for 5 years, and we were engaged for 1 year on top of that, and she left me not long after my SLE diagnosis. I used to be a very social person. Very much an extrovert and the life of the party. Now, I'm a recluse, and I isolate myself, but I'm slowly learning how to have a life, and friends again. When I stopped being the happy go-lucky me, most of the people around me just stopped coming around and calling.
I know it feels like things are slipping away, but you need to keep taking your meds. Many of the drugs we have to take do not work right away, and can seem like they are making you feel even worse. But you need to give them time to work.
We all have our own definition of what's bad, and who is worse off than ourselves. Your hurt right now is no less just because you may not have as many bad symptoms as others. Your hurt is very real, and you have every right to be upset. One thing about this place-nobody is going to judge you. Nobody here will ever criticize you for talking about how you are really feeling. There are no easy or quick solutions, but believe me when I say things will get better for you. I was in the place you are right now, and it was awful. But I've learned to live with and manage lupus, and I'm making new friends. Friends who understand that I'm not always going to feel well or be anywhere near 100%. You can do this too.
You can still have plenty of good days ahead of you. You can have a good life, and thrive despite this disease. It won't happen overnight, but it will happen. You can learn ways to cope. Your meds will begin to work. And you'll be able to surround yourself with people who are not fair-weather friends. Please hang in there, and don't be afraid to unload and vent here. We'll listen.
Welcome to the forum. You will find a safe place to communicate your feelings, your good days and bad, and someone is always here who cares. So many of us know exactly what you are feeling and going through so your not alone in that. With this illness there is no comparison in who suffers more, if you are hurting, you are hurting and it is real and effects your entire life.
That boyfriend was lacking in the "friend" part. My ex husband was a jerk too. He actually cheated on me with another woman who went hiking with him because "you had your chance" LOL HA! He had his chance and lost it big time. I was too sick to go but after he married her she gained 200 pounds and could not go hiking anymore. Then guess who came looking for me lol...to late buddy.
What goes around comes around - you reap what you sow - karma, whatever you call it there is justice in the universe even though many days it sure doesn't feel like it. You have your life, it will just be different and doesn't have to be bad different. Your friends will change from shallow bimbos to deep intellectual empathetic sympathetic people.
Don't ever feel dumb because of your feelings. It is important to tell your doctors about the depression too. Depression really sucks. Since I been coming here I feel the validation and acknowledgment I had been lacking from friends and family which changes they way I cope with lupus.
Stick around, stay in touch, express your feelings.
BTW I love your avatar. I am an old hippy and have an Indonesian Dashiki dress on and a rainbow tie-dye sarong for a curtain. I don't fit into any mold on the planet..lol
A few months ago I started a dairy at the (could I have lupus) site. I've only put 3 or 4 entry in it. But the last one I wrote was called something like "Other People don't get lupus" I've been very depressed for a while. And having what I call a flare. Because when I'm having a flare my doctors don't listen. But anyway the day I wrote it the dairy. I was feeling awful. A friend, instead of asking me how a felt she started telling me how good I was doing and that it was good I didn't have any serious problem from my lupus. I didn't say anything to her. But in the past I told her all the the problems I have from lupus. I have some very serous heath problem from lupus. Hearing her say this made me feel more depressed.
Hope things are g
don't give up
Your are young and that boy didn't understand what you were going thru. i lost my husband after 20years, and now i found a wonderful man who understands did the research on the disease, helps with cleaning, cooking, and with my 11 year old son. so there is the right guy out there for you.
your friends will constantly change in your life most peopel on have one hand of friends i only have three that are there and been there for 15years. the rest are just aquaintences.
You will find a nice bunch of people to vent to here on this site. so just keep venting here they will help you, cause we understand what your going thru.
you should talk to doctor about your depression if you mention it on this site than your aware of it and needs to be address by a doctor.
Everytime you smile it will make you feel better true fact, so watch something funny. i like to watch comedy channel.:yes:
Just popping in to say hi and hope you are having a good day.
RITZBIT! You will never be a burden here. We love to hear about what's going on and love being here for you! I know I'm not a teen, but I'm not far off, I'm 22. Please feel free to ramble about whatever you want here. I was THE moodiest teen anyone could ever meet. I went from an eating disorder to being a cutter to moving out when I was 17 because my parents were a huge part of my depression. I have been in 3 serious relationships since I graduated and am in the best one yet. You will find someone that suits you better and befriends you and is ALWAYS there for you. Whenever you're feeling down, we're always here for you.
I'm going through similar things as you, my dear. Since being diagnosed I've lost so many friends and feel worse than I did initially thanks to medications. It's hard to keep perky when you're going through such shenanigans, but keep in mind there are people out there who understand what you're going through and are willing to listen on the bad days.