Lucie, I know what you mean....I am the same way!!!!
One of the weird "blessings" of this disease - if you can call it a blessing - and I choose to do so, because it's too depressing not to - is that it has taught me that I am NOT in control all the time, I do not KNOW everything, and that I HAVE to slow down and roll with the punches sometimes. It's very humbling! I still struggle with it mightily - and often fail to attain more than a molecule of grace and equanimity - but I don't know if anything less "dramatic" than this would have taught me those skills.
I know I am just trying to make lemonade out of some very sour lemons - but whaddayagonnado? ;-)
I do have MUCH more empathy and compassion and patience for people now, and it's wonderful. A much happier way to live, really. And I have also found that I am usually my own worst critic...I often feel like I am a drag on my family, but am finding that the things they value me for go way beyond being strong or healthy or in control. What a profound blessing that is!!!!
And also remember that it is a STRENGTH to change and adapt to new circumstances - so what feels like weakness (getting extra rest, going to endless appointments, taking pills, listing symptoms) can actually be a new sort of self-discipline and power.
And remember we're always here to complain to!!!! :-D
Be careful with that Pristiq! Whatever you do, don't stop taking it abruptly!!!
I had the same thought process when I was first diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis in 2008. I cant do this, i'm not strong enough, why me. I went through a short depression with it. But years later I now have Menieres Disease and Lupus added onto my list of "fun" and well i'm great. Sure I have some bad days here and there and I take meds. But I have a great husband and a great life. And if it is going to be cut short by me being sick then screw it I am going to live it to the fullest. Things will get better and yea it sucks to be in that grey area and not knowing whats going on. You have to stay positive and take advantage of the good days. I hope you get to feeling better.