Pain and Pain Meds!
Ok, insomnia really really super stinks. It gives me entirely way too much time to think about everything. I guess I am just on here whining this morning cause the pain is getting unbearable and the sleep doesn't seem to like me much. Is this pain ever going to get any better? Am I going to be on pain meds the rest of my life? This really stinks and i just want to cry. I have been on and off of pain meds for 2 years now. The doc puts me on them I take them for several months and then get tired of it and put myself through horrible withdrawl and the pain gets worse and then I end right back up on them a couple months later. i honestly just feel like crying right now. i watch my husband try to do everything work, come home and cook, clean, run the kids here and there and honestly i don't know how much more he can take. I feel so horrible and worthless right now. Trying to stay positive and everything is so hard. Ok well so much for feeling like crying cause now I am. Darn it, I hate crying. I used to post this stuff on my FB and would get all kinds of you are depressed and making your pain worse. It got to the point I just wanted to strangle them. LOL!
Ok well I guess I am done being a great big cry baby. But really does this ever stop ever? Am I really going to be like this the rest of my life?
Sorry for being a downer, I am trying really hard not to be and to think postivie it just gets so hard sometimes.
I don't have any advice, just am right there with you. I hate hate hate that I am taking vicodin just to get through the day. But without it, I just can't function. I know it's helpful and I'm not abusing it, but I just don't want to have to be on pain meds all the time! It's crazy because I used to take one when I had a kidney stone, or after my c-sections, etc, and it would knock me out. Now, I feel so much better after I take one that it actually perks me up and I have more energy. Which tells me that I really do need it to control the pain right now. Hopefully once I get into the rheumy and get on some other meds I won't need them so much. I actually have to call and get a refill today because I don't want to run out over the weekend. I hate it, I feel like a drug seeker or something!!! But I know I'm not, just feel bad calling and asking for more.
Are you on any other meds yet?
Oh, I feel you on the feelings about pain and pain meds! I have been in constant, moderate pain (with some spikes, but mostly a tolerable moderate) for over a year. It pisses me off sometimes. I can control the pain to a certain extent with NSAIDs and tramadol (the strongest meds I can take, due to needing to be clear-headed for my job) and keeping my legs elevated, but I don't even think I can remember what it feels like to not be in pain. Pain is my new normal. How crappy is that?
And the meds? Oh, they have their side-effects-- uncontrolled muscle jerking from the tramadol (what's with the weird side-effects?), stomach trouble from NSAIDs. But to go without would be worse, so I put up with it. So many other drugs, though, I had to drop because of side-effects (gabapentin, naproxen, Lyrica, etc.). Such a frustrating cycle.
And being active? I used to hike mountains, jog with my dog, bike all over-- I was so active. Now, I still look young and healthy on the outside, but while my friends (all athletic, young people like I used to be) are jogging up mountains, climbing boulders, running marathons, I give myself a pat on the back when I successfully walk a flat, four-mile hike at snail's pace.
So, I feel ya!
One thing that has helped me -- and it really may help you -- is getting a chronic pain/chronic illness counselor. I see a LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) who specializes exclusively in working with people with chronic illness, chronic pain, and serious medical diagnoses. She has been wonderful for me in helping me navigate doctors, make medical decisions, deal with my feelings about my pain and medications and activity level, etc. I see her every few weeks (and my insurance covers it-- I pay just a $20 co-pay!), and it's worth it. You might ask one of your doctors if they know of any counselors who specialize in chronic illness counseling. It can really help get through the hard stuff like this!
One suggestion, since it sounds like
Oh my, I'm glad Im not alone on this one, Im on percs every six hours I feel as if I couldn't function without them. Im scared of becoming addicted if not already, but I know I need them for the pain not only for Lupus and Fibro pain but I also have avascular necrosis pain on my knees and that in itself is very painful. Like you though I hope this is not lifelong!
I don't want to "jinx" myself on this by responding, but with all the issues I've been having the last few years, I've kind of gotten used to the pain, to a point. 'Course, I've been on steroids for most of 3 years now, doing days/weeks of high dose, then weaning, countless multiple times, and I've had quite a few injections in my back, but probably what helped me most was multiple sessions with "pain management" counseling and the anti-depressants, of which we'd settled on low-dose sertaline as best. The pain is not gone, by any stretch of the imagination, and there are still days of having "what the #$@@ is *THAT* pain from?" kind of stuff that just pops up out of nowhere, but by and large, the relaxation techniques they taught me, and the sertaline probably did more good than any actual pain med ever did for me (other than the short-term initial effect from a new pain med). Like with anything, your mileage will vary. I'm also almost certain that "what & where" your pain is, almost *has* to influence the results. The plaquenil they'd started me on was just starting to kick in when I had my reaction, and that was ~good~, almost pain free. I would never have considered an antidepressant until my doctor suggested it, in conjuction with the consultations. Definitely helped, and I think mostly by getting me to relax just a bit, which helped me sleep just a bit better, which helped me relax better, etc... Sort of the "pain cycle" in reverse. You get a little rest, and things are oh so much better...
I know how you feel, I hate going and saying ok I ran out every month. And I actally went to another doc asking for a second opinion a year ago and he actually called me a drug seeker but the pain is so overwhelming. I also know how you feel about it giving you more energy it does the same now for me and i can at least get up and move without feeling like I want to shoot myself from the pain. My other meds haven't worked yet so i can get off of them. But praying one day it will come. hang in there and if you ever need to talk feel free to send me a message I am here for ya girl,
I am on other meds right now mtx, folic acid, prednisone, sertaline,ambien, oxy, and I think there is one more but I can't think of it right now. Jmail I get the where the heck did that pain come from and its weird I can be in extreme pain all day and feel like my hips and legs are going to give at any moment and then all of a sudden it goes away or I get the oh great what the heck is that. This is so much fun it really is.