aftermath of husband attack
First off, I'd like to thank everyone for their kind words. It helps immensely. I'm going to go into counseling so I don't loose what is left of my mind.
Tonight I had a breakdown. Our front entrance is 20 feet inside the fenced in yard. We have bells on the gate. Came in handy when I had teenagers! Anyhow, Hubby and I hear the gate rattle but don't see a vehicle out front (we've had a camera and monitor system for years, otherwise we can't see the the street). I go to the front door to check and find a neighbor walking to the front door. I freaked out. I literally freaked out. I backed away, and sent hubby who was heading that way anyhow to the door. I freaked out at the sight of an unexpected, but friendly, visitor. He didn't stay long, he brought my husband a can of legal high powered pepper spray. Was a very thoughtful gesture. After he left I fell into hubby's arms and cried uncontrollably for several minutes. When I first saw the neighbor, my heart felt like it was jumping out of my chest. Like I said, I literally freaked out. I know this guy, he's never been anything but nice, yet I freaked out. Today a student came to my desk. He was physically, built like the attacker. I almost crawled under my desk. I can't handle people coming to my door, noisy motorcycles (there's a certain brand that is infamous for being noisy), people shouting or large men. When I came home at lunch to let the dogs out, my neighbors, for whatever reason were shouting to each other. I started violently shaking. The neighbors were just having fun. Yet, I couldn't handle it.
This sucks. Pardon my language, but this really flipping sucks.