Nonna

Accepting our limitations

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I've tried, I did well while both were in reasonably good health. But now with Mother's fall resulting in a broken elbow; I find that I must accept my limitations. I can not physically care for her. I have irrated my shoulder, pulled a muscle in my back that can not heal while I continue to lift her when she slips, catch her when she starts to fall. She will not listen to me because I'm the daughter. I thought I could do this as last year went so well. But this year has been terrible 2 stays in the hospital, one out-patient surgery for mother. Then there's always the possible of Daddy's heart attack.

Today I am going to admitted my limitations and say it's assisted living or hiring several aides to cover the hours. Mother needs constant watching, she refuses to listen to my father and myself. She has to go her own way. Nothing I cook pleases them. I hurt so badly I can't sleep. I just want to cry, I want to go home and have someone care for me I so can heal.

My Lyrica dosage is too low, but a higher dosage will make me loopy, so I can't take a higher one right now. It hurts every night when I open the hide-a-bed I have to sleep on. I'm stressing again, trying to push through everything like I did when I was working. I know that this brings on flares, I can't flare and take care if two elderly people.

I think it's time to surrender. I've lost the strength to continue the fight. The pain is becoming to overwhelming. I can not be positive anymore.

I surrender.
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  1. Nonna's Avatar
    Ok, I sometimes wonder if I'm losing it. Through out my life as a writer, I've been able to create a world of fantasy where I could hide from the evils in my life. My mind has ceased to function on that level. I've had writer's block for almost a year. I can only guess that my stress levels have been slowly but continuously rising. Well, I hope to find relief soon as my parents will be going into assisted living. My mother is very fragile, and gets so anemic that they give her blood transfusions. Her condition is stable for the moment, but you never know when she is going to fall again. Of course all this stress is no good for my Dad's heart.

    Lord, watch over us. And thank you for your footsteps in the sand.