Nonna

Here I go again

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Well, here I go again. I've been in Florida since April, I finally got the insurance stuff straightened out and am running low on meds. Now I have to tackle new docs. I'm trying to put together my med history and med list. Googled docs and I'm ready to start calling.

I feel ok, hardly any pain, but my stress levels are back through the roof. My Mother's mind is going and I have to deal with outbursts now.

I'm caretaker now 24/7, but I get an hour or two to myself when I go down to the pool every day - weather permitting. (Not today though ) thunder storms.

I think the hardest thing is the unknown future and the fact that I want to go home. I'm in paradise and I want to go home. This doesn't feel like home yet, if ever.

I don't know what the Doc's are going to tell me.

I don't know how to handle my Mother's outbursts, she says painful thing and thanks that because she has plenty of money that I do too. She keeps telling me that I should pay my own way; when Daddy told me not to worry about money. I can't argue with her because that would stress his heart. He says we should just go with the flow. All my adult life I've been going with the flow, I'm tired, so tired of the angry,dirty looks.

Right now I'm sitting on the screened in balcony, I'm warm and it's quiet. It's calming out here, especially in the middle of the nite.

I pray for the strength to endure. Am I selfish? I wonder, but I walk the path that The Lord has set for me..
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