AyahsClan

I'm Bored

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When I start feeling bored it sometimes means I am feeling better. I hope it does. Tomorrow after my bleeding I am going to go to Watercanyon. No matter what. I'm going. Unless I have a bad experience at the hospital, I am going to go. I'll take my little netbook and enjoy myself.

I remember one awesome night I made friends with some really cool folks and we were all playing cards. It was one of those nights you hope you can do again, but I didn't. I was always too tired, or too? Inhibited? Oh yeah, I remember one problem, my vision. I used to have a bad case of night blindness. Coming home on OWS rd was very scary. There isn't as much going on during the day but still, it is time to start living again.

How has lupus effected my brain? I seem to be more moody. More satisfied with a boring life sitting on the sofa. I was never a couch potato, in fact I started out in this world unable to sit. Not that long ago I couldn't even sit still long enough to watch a 2 hour movie unless it was really good. Where I lived never mattered to me because all te inside was, was a place to prepare food and sleep. My real life was outdoors.

Riding horses, hiking, gardening, church and charity activities, being INSIDE the house was never my thing. OK so now it is. I have to either force myself to go out or continue being placated with computer games and crappy TV. Life is passing me by, even though home is comforting, life is outside those gates.

It is a beautiful day. the birds are singing, the air is fresh. I think I would rather be outside but when I put together in my mind all I have to do to be outside I give up before I get started!

NOTE TO SELF: GET UP EVERY MORNING AND PREPARE FOR A DAY THAT WILL INCLUDE GOING OUTSIDE!
LIST; HAVE HAT READY
USE SUNSCREEN FIRST THING
HAVE LONG SLEEVE SHIRT READY
DUNK VEST
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