Saysusie

Faith Of The Heart!

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Dear WHL Family;
It has been quite a while since I posted a Blog. However, I just wanted to share some of my thoughts about faith, love, and loss.
Each year, around the holiday season, I and my family fall into a dark abyss from October until January. These months represent our daughter's (Lauri's) birthday month..Thanksgiving without her, the anniversary of her passing (12/10), her wedding anniversary (12/13), and finally Christmas and New Year's without her.
No matter how hard we try, or how well we think that we are handling things, we eventually fall into that abyss of sadness and heartache.
This year was even more difficult than the previous years because we had so many family members pass away during these same months (three in December alone). So, in the midst of our grief over the loss of our daughter, we were emotionally trampled with the loss of so many family members, which meant attending one funeral after another all throughout the holiday season.
I could not help but remember how our loss affected us at that time, and then I envisioned how much the loved ones of our family members were suffering and how, from this point on, their Holidays will also never be the same again. To know that you must go on without the one you love is a very difficult reality to have to come to terms with, and the grief or feeling of loss never gets easier. The only thing that changes is how we deal with these feelings over a period of time.
Now, I am broken hearted and filled with grief that a member of our WHL family has tragically lost her husband. I realize that life will never be the same for her again. That she will evolve into a person so different from who she is today. Like myself and the other family members here who have lost a loved-one/dear friend/comrade...her entire reason for being will be completely changed and she will find that it will be a long, emotional draining, climb before she sees reason again. None of her previous personality molds will feel appropriate and she will develop an entirely new set of mores. I am sure that, with the love, support, patience, and acceptance of friends and family, she will survive, as did so many of us here. But, it is also important for us to know that the loss and the devastation that it causes will always be a prominent part of who she is from this day forward.
One of the things that I've loved about all of my friends/family members here is the compassion and understanding that you've shown to me and to each other. That I always felt safe to talk about my sweet Lauri, how I miss her and how her absence affects me. Even after 10yrs, I feel her loss so very keenly and deeply and each of you always allow me to express those feelings whenever I become stifled by the pain of the loss. I've seen all of you provide that same kind of compassion to other members who have suffered great loss and I know that, because of this, WHL is the only place (other than my home) where I feel completely safe, accepted, and understood.
Over the years, I have developed a "Faith Of The Heart" if you will. A faith that lets me know that there is love and acceptance within my reach. A faith that lets me know that there is so much goodness in each and every one of us and that goodness is always waiting to be shared. A faith that lets me know that we truly do carry the souls of our loved ones in our hearts and that they are never far away from us. A faith that lets me know that, what I have found here with the members of WHL is truly more representative of the world than what is proliferated in the news and on television.
I have found that I have Faith because you are all my heart. I hope and pray that, for everyone who has suffered a loss, they are able to find that same faith that allows them to move through their lives embraced by the love that is so freely given here, and that they find the comfort, acceptance and understanding that you have all so lovingly given to me and to each other.
Surrounded by this genuine love, I have never lost my faith as the two are intertwined and inescapable, one from the other. Neither are tangible and cannot be studied, investigated, or approached scientifically. However, they are what makes us uniquely human and valuable and whether that love is expressed corporeally or spiritually, it is, nonetheless, what keeps us alive to and cherished by one another; one to the other - forever and for always!

My Endless Love to my WHL Family!
Peace and Blessings
Namaste
Saysusie
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Comments

  1. SandyR's Avatar
    This is beautifully written. You and Oluwa are both in my thoughts and prayers.
  2. rob's Avatar
    That is beautiful Carlotta. There is love and wisdom behind every word. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    Rob
  3. tgal's Avatar
    Wow. That is so very beautiful and I thank you for sharing it with us. I am so humbled to have found this place that began as a tribute to Lauri. Your kindness and your help gets many of us through as well. We will always be here for you just as you are for us.
  4. Angel Oliver's Avatar
    Beautiful and very true.Love to you Carlotta, who helps so many all over the world in memory of your Lauri and my thoughts n love to Marijo.xxxx
  5. mountaindreamer's Avatar
    thank you carlotta.

    this a beautiful tribute to your precious lauri and to our beloved marijo. It is through your unselfish gifts of stories about your life that help us move a step closer to understanding.
  6. june's Avatar
    So beautifully written...thank you for opening your heart to us...a very touching tribute...I hope that what you have shared will help others in their journey. Thank you so much...my thoughts are with you and your family.
  7. Saysusie's Avatar
    Thank you all, so very much, for your expressions. I still believe, and truly feel, that this family here (WHL) is the most beautiful, love-filled, genuine group on the web. You are all, still, my heart!
  8. Oluwa's Avatar
    Oh, how my heart filled with love. I just read this. Thank you so much, Carlotta. You are right, I am not the same. Honestly, I do not know who I am. I know I am not the same girl who married Bola, nor am I the same girl while married to Bola when he died. Before the changes went unnoticed, but now it was a forced changed and I am so aware of who I am not, or is it, who I was. I grow..I march on.

    I am now remembering our last 3 weeks together...he always took the last 2 weeks of December and the first week of January off from work. My mind was blocking it until recently. It all came flooding in....our last movie, dinner out....gift..words...kiss. I miss him.

    Thank you everyone for your thoughts....

    Hugs with love...