There's no way around it...
by, 05-17-2011 at 09:19 PM (892 Views)
I haven't been on here too much recently. So much has been going on I haven't had time to think much less read all the daily posts on here. I've tried checking in but its alot sometimes.
Things... Are good. Sort of. Stressful. Tiring. My home is not my home anymore. My fiancÚ and I are packing to move somewhere in the next two weeks. We don't know where yet... But hopefully somewhere... I find myself sad about this chapter ending in our life.. This is our home. We've built a life in this place. It was the first place we've lived together. There are so many memories here, so many moments that I'm sad to leave behind in this place. These four walls. All the life we have had here. It's hard to let it go. I've cried thinking about it more then I can count. I find myself trying not to think about it. Avoiding it...just to not feel the sadness and grief I am experiencing with it. I know it's not where we live that have made the memories and the moments... It was just us that did. And we'll always have them. They'll always be there. The place didn't matter. But it will still always be our first home together. The place we have called ours for most of our relationship. We've had so much here. He proposed in our living room 5 short months ago. We've had many fights and so much laughter and love here. So many tears of joy and sadness. When I think of all that has happened. How much we have grown up together in this house. How much we have loved each other and been there through so much together. It has been our haven, our comfort, our retreat from reality for so long that it's hard to leave it without sadness. I am a very sentimental person and I contribute my feelings to this. I know it doesn't change anything, everything is the same.. Its just hard to let this place go. Even when I left my parents house that I had lived in my whole life I wasn't as sad as I am now. That place will always be my home though. I can always go back to that place when I miss it. It's always there, never changing as my childhood home. The day my parents move out of there I will probably be a bigger mess. But for now it's still my home. Those walls there have held a million and a half memories for the last 30 years...never ending. Always there to go to when I need to go home. Once we leave here though... That's it. There is no going back. It will be the place we first lived, where so many things happened. Some of the best and worst days were spent in this house. So many things. I know my home will always be with my family. I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. Always been an emotional person who feels what I need to feel to deal with whatever life has brought me. And I am going to feel how I need to feel about this and move on. I am going to get through this and come out stronger in the end. It just doesn't make it easy for me right now. I know this is just a chapter in my life that has to be closed. Moving on to a different one. Another changing moment. I'm just sad to be closing this chapter. Even if it's opening an even greater one with many many more memories. More moments and more growth, laughter, love, tears. Life is so full of all these things. All of these emotions and I know you just become better because of these experiences you go through. It's ok to feel the sadness that life inevitably
brings you to at some time or another. If you didn't feel them you wouldn't grow. You wouldn't become stronger or braver. I am who I am because of everything life has thrown at me. The good and the bad. I've gotten through it and live to tell the tales. Just as I will with this.
For whatever you all are going through right now. Good or bad. If your sad or happy... It's ok to feel how you feel. Don't shut yourself off because of it. It only makes you
stronger. It's those life experiences that make you who
you are and who your going to become. It's ok to be hurt and sad and angry and happy and excited all at once. Just let yourself feel all of it. This is life and it has so much to offer, so much to give. To feel these things... It's a sign we are alive. We are alive.
"Leave it there with the things on the doorstep. And there's no way around it, could this be our last dance? We'll be back again. Do you want to see it? The place where I am free. Cause in my mind I've been there and there's no one here but you and me.."