Don't tell me where the road is... Cause I don't wanna know.
by, 04-15-2011 at 11:19 PM (1507 Views)
It is days like today that remind me over that I do have lupus. It is very much apart of my life now as everything else. A constant reminder that I do have to remind myself things arent how they use to be. I had a very long and hectic day. A hectic week. Today, after playing and watching a 2 year old for a few hours (which was the least taxing out of everything) I went to get my tires replaced on my car after discovering that they were in very bad shape. As I am sitting in the tire place waiting for them to do their stuff to my car I glance down and realize one of the 4 stones out of my engagement ring is missing. Which followed with me freaking out in the tire place looking every I had walked for a stone that is a 4th of 1/2 a caret tw ring... So it's not very big. So then of course I went to the jeweler to see what can be done to be told I have to have it sent out and then quoted, at which case I ended up crying to going home to see what my fiancÚ wanted to do. I mean, it's not the worst thing. It's not going to cost much to replace, it's a small thing in the things of importance. But it was still sad to me. And emotionally taxing. I have just been constantly going for the past two weeks. And shoved into a whole mess of things that I wouldnt be shoved into normally. Things have been hectic, and crazy, and stressful. I have felt extremely anxious about everything that has been happening and changing. Anxious in a way that puts your stomach into knots and makes you lightheaded. And I've been handling it well for the most part. I've felt alright and have been meeting things head on, without feeling to uncomfortable or awkward about them. But today... Today I just hit my limit. Went past the point of being alright to feeling every inch of my body hurt and wanting to curl into a ball and never get up. If only that would make things better though. If that was all I needed to stop feeling this I would curl up in that ball and stay there. Unfortunately, when you have been hit by that truck that people with lupus seem to always be hit by, you can't curl into a ball to make it better because your entire body is scattered all over the street... You would think we would learn to look before we crossed the street every once in awhile.
"Dont tell me if I'm dying, cause I don't want to know. If I can't see the sun then maybe I should go. Don't wake me cause I'm dreaming of angels on the moon, where everyone you know never leaves too soon"