serand4

Normal

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Wow, it's the first day I've felt normal in SO long! I have energy and can think. It's the first day in longer than I can remember that I actually really, really wished I was employed and had things to do that required me to think and contribute. Usually I'm too exhausted, regardless of my seemingly endless sleep, to even consider working but today was that mental kick that reminded me of the real life I used to have. I just started on a new antidepressent after I was spending literally 15 hours sleeping a day. I've had enough depression episodes in my life to know what I was dealing with beyond whatever antiimmune disease I'm fighting. I take a ton of Cymbalta so I kind of tried to limit the extra antidepressent but in this case, it was time for an intervention. Looks promising!

If there's anyone who reads this and has ideas on how to contribute to society on a semi-regular basis, I'm all ears. But in the meantime, hurray, it's a good day and we all know what a blessing that is!
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  1. rob's Avatar
    I don't know what normal is anymore. Sometimes, I don't think I know who I am anymore. I look in the mirror and see a stranger looking back at me. A tired old recluse who's rapidly losing what marbles he still has left upstairs. Sorry, I'm not trying to be a bummer.

    However, it makes me very happy to see that you are doing well, and feeling so good. Soak in every last drop of the good days, and hold onto it tight. It's the medicine we need to help us get through the bad days.

    Rob
  2. Shining Star's Avatar
    Hello! How is the fibro going? It sounds a little easier... thinking of you x
  3. serand4's Avatar
    Hi Shining Star! It's funny that I got your message today because it's the first good day I've had probably since that post. I am magnet for colds and sinus infections so they hit one after another and I just got over my last one. I finally got the oil changed in the car (LONG overdue) and stocked up our groceries. My poor son was down to popcorn and water for snacks which is death to a teenager! It's heaven to have a good day!

    Surprisingly, the fibro is so much more difficult to deal with than the Lupus. The Lupus can kill me but the fibro has made me want to kill myself a few times. I have it really, really bad. I even went to Clevenland Clinic last year to make sure I didn't have some form of cancer that hadn't been caught by the local doctors. Apparently I have it in every aspect of my system so even my gastro system is screwed. Before I started prednisone I could stomach little more than cereal and soy milk. Keeping my weight down wasn't too much of a problem since most foods were more trouble than they were worth. But I also have digenerent (sp?) disk disease and at the bottom of my spine there is a tear in the stuff inside my spinal cord and a nerve is caught in it. So, it's tough to know what is the back and what is the fibro. I'll just say a little prayer for you that you don't have to deal with this nasty little bugger! Lupus sucks and it would be nice to not have to fight all the lung problems I have with it, but I'll take it over fibro any day!

    Hope all is well with you! Thanks for thinking of me, it means a lot.
  4. Shining Star's Avatar
    Oh yes, fibro and begging for death - I do know! I was diagnosed with it ten years ago, and like you, I choose lupus over it any day. It is like a screwdriver, subtle and relentless, that enters your brain and sucks you into the most un-beautiful state. Death seems so much sweeter than that gnawing ache. I do know, which is why I am thinking of you, and wishing you can find the button that clicks it off for a while.
    So, one thing I learned about pain, is that you have to break the cycle. And at first you think, you need to break it forever in an instant, but then you learn, if you just do it for one second, an instant at a time... the loop gets temporarily broken. And yup, that's about as brilliantly clever as I have become at fencing with fibro!

    And as for your son and popcorn - hello? He's a teen! It's all about popcorn!!