Life as a Lupie

Last minute lupie

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I have waited until the last minute to do Christmas shopping. I cannot stand going out and doing it. I have to get my mom and dad something and also my husband. I know what I'm getting them.. mostly.. I just have to get out and do it. #1 I hate the traffic #2 I hate the crowds #3 I sweat and hurt after two steps so it's extremely difficult. I should be ignoring that and going anyway, but dang..it's all I think about. I will try to be more positive though. Starting to work has been good for me, though difficult to adjust. Driving has been hard, but not overwhelming. I underestimated the amount of time it would take me to get to work and home. It's a lot of time in the car. The office is nice, the people are okay, but the heat and flourescent lighting is so hard on my skin and on my health. I finally got up the nerve to ask my boss to have maintenance unscrew the light above my cubicle and she was totally cool with it. I had no idea my photosensitivity was what was making me so uncomfortable and RED when I was working a year ago. Thanks to WHL I learned that and know how to counteract it.
I also decided to really work on having a baby. I've tried without fertility meds for about four years now to have a successful pregnancy and it hasn't happened yet. I'm going to do it now. I'm trying to cut down on pain meds and stop smoking. I've slowly tapered down on smoking. I shouldn't be smoking anyway, I KNOW THIS. Believe me everyone tells me that. I hate hearing it over and over and over from people that I don't ask opinions from. So please no smoking comments on this. It's written on the dang box for goodness sakes. It's the only thing I had left that could be like a big F-U to my Lupus. I know it screwed me in the end though. So I'm trying to quit so I can have a baby. After three miscarriages it just scares me to put myself out there again. I can just tell my hubby wants a baby so badly though. Adoption is over 16k at all the places we have looked and I really want to make sure I've tried to have one myself first. Well... it felt good to vent... now I have to go out into the overpopulated world sans heating pad. Wish me luck!
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