serand4

Mood floods

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I swear, today has been one huge tidal way washing back and forth like water in a bathtub! I woke up this morning and felt pretty good. I didn't have any particular desire to go back to bed which is a first in many, many months. I was hungry, which is not new but I didn't choke on anything and that's new. Eventually I did wear out and went to bed. I woke up to a message from my mom that said, "oh, I suppose you're still sleeping..." I shouldn't be sensitive about this. She wasn't being unkind but it's like salt in a gigantic wound. I wouldn't be sleeping if I literally didn't have to. All day long I'd have these swings! I'd want to get things done but within minutes be unable to move off the couch. God bless my son. He came home and because I tend to mumble more and he's 16 so he only sort of listens to me anyway we played the game of "what did you say?"/"Forget it."/Seriously, what did you say"/ ...and so on. When my mom calls back I had just sat down on the toilet (for the 20th time today) and told my son to not answer it. I called her back and was polite but honest about having a crummy day. She was kind and quickily got off the phone. It's taken us years to get to this point as she used to talk regardless so I'm so grateful I don't have to get rude. No one deserves rudeness simply for caring.

I'm fighting my breathing issues again today. The annoying version where I can't get a deep breath but it's not serious. And heaven forbid any of us in America land in the ER today because doctors will be as scarce as inexpensive shoes! I also know I have to see my relatives soon and I don't want to. My face is so bloated and there will be questions and when I do too much talking I get much sicker. I have several escape plans with the simplest being I don't feel well.

Sorry to be a downer today but I'm sure I have lots of company out there with similar feelings. I don't care what the illness is, suiting up and showing are the hardest part of the whole thing but it's family and it's the holidays and these are people (most anyway) who have done everything in their power to support me through this.

Take good care and regardless -- Happy Thanksgiving!
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  1. serand4's Avatar
    Reference to later posts on loss of memory -- I have NO recollection of writing this. I used to tease about wanting to have dementia before I died so that I wouldn't realize what I was losing. Wow, I'm not so sure I want that wish now!