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Vivere. That's what I keep trying to tell myself.

My boyfriend, my rock, my world, and I broke up. I am now on my own again. Square one.

Picked up another job that I work 24 hour shifts at too. Went to the rheumatologist yesterday, they took 4 very large tubes of blood. I've been getting random bruises that just started a few months ago. I really hope nothing else is wrong but then again, that's how my life is going right now. My doc says I need to slow down; I can't. I've got to finish nursing school and I've got to pay bills by myself now. He also says I'm underweight, which is true. I'm not trying to lose the weight, it just keeps falling off. I've got to start protein shakes to help me try to get thicker. I can feel the difference, it's getting harder and harder to lift the stretcher with patients on it and our bags and such. My body just hurts all the time now. I haven't had an appetite in a while.

The Folbee, (B-12, B-6 and Folic Acid), seems to be helping. I don't feel as tired any more. I had my rheumy run my levels again to see if it really has helped. I have noticed less heart palpatations though. Have a follow up in July with my neurologist to see where to go from there. Still on the Plaquenil, Mobic and birth control. My freaking periods have been so irregular and skipping all over the place, it's annoying.

My birthday was this past Sunday. I had people over for a housewarming party because I'm in need of a lot of things for my apartment; it's empty. We had fun, it was nice having people over. They brought me stuff to fill my fridge with and gift cards for Target which is great because I can now buy pots and pans and a trash can. It's the small things in life.

I bought myself a ring with a butterfly on it from James Avery, it's supposed to be a child's ring but I have very small hands. I had it engraved with vivere on the inside which means live in Italian. It's my new motto; it's keeping me going.

Needed to vent again. Sorry.
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  1. klmkelly's Avatar
    Hi Micromedic,

    Your post was very heartfelt by me. I am having a hard time trying to pace my life as well, and I continue to send myself into flares from stress. I think I might try yoga to try and get more in tune with myself, but I worry how I will balance that when I start teaching this fall again. I am continuing to recover from the brain surgery I had to have to fix my vestibular vertigo, which was caused by my SLE. I really like your ring idea, I think it is a good reminder that even though we have this frustrating condition, we are the ones in control. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.