by, 05-14-2010 at 08:25 AM (955 Views)
I was diagnosed almost exactly a year ago (in June 2009). I don't recall ever crying about having Lupus or ever feeling truly upset. I just took it as it came and that's it.
The other day my brother starting speaking to me about protein and how I don't get enough ... how I need more and blablabla. He starting giving me numbers and how much protein a person needs a day. I know he was just trying to help and I know he loves me, but suddenly it was all just too much. My doctor tells me to back off the protein and I've noticed that if I reduce my daily intake of it, I feel much, much better. So it just grated on my nerves that those numbers that apply to 'normal people' didn't apply to me. You know...that I'm different - that my body is different.
So finally I started arguing, he argued back, and suddenly it was a yelling match followed by me running into my room and slamming the door (I know, very mature huh?). Aaaand there I finally cried about it for the first time. Like, really really cried. I told God he got the wrong girl...that I can't handle as much as he thought I could after all.
But after that I wrote my first article since the diagnosis. And that same day I got an email back saying it was accepted and they wanted to publish it for their July issue ('they' being Insights). And you know what the article was about? How God doesn't make mistakes...how the whole experience has brought me closer to him...how I've realized that this is not my permanent condition and that life on earth is just the dress rehearsal for REAL life: eternal life in heaven. And there my body will be flawless anyway. So I don't want to get so hung up on this temporary condition that I miss out on life. I've decided to view Lupus as a challenge, rather than an obstacle.
Aaaanyway. Time to get ready for work.