a little about myself

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just thought i'd start this because a lot of people thought this would help.. everything pretty much went bad in the winter of 08.. my grandmother who raised me since pretty much birth wasnt feeling well.. sorry i know i dont have the best grammar but im trying to hurry before melony.. my 3 month old wakes from her nap.. anyways so she wasnt feeling well.. and out of no where sometime in mid october i woke up with the WORST shoulder pains EVER!! i mean it felt like someone beat up on me.. or beat me with a hammer idk.. my arms were super stiff too.. i couldnt really reach up to grab anything.. or brush my teeth or anything.. thats how bad the pain was.. so yeah.. after a few days it went away and it was like whatever.. but then this kept happening.. over and over.. until one day the pain was in my hands and wrists.. i couldnt really grab stuff or do anything cuz the pain was so bad.. and i didnt know it at the time but my joints were really inflamed.. to me and everyone else my hands just looked super swollen.. they thought i banged them somehow.. so anyways.. my gma got even more sick. we found out she had stage 4 liver cancer.. so i focused my attention on taking care of her.. i would stay up for like 3 days at a time.. doing whatever i needed to do for her.. once she passed away in february of 09.. i went and made an appointment with my then rheumatologist.. who did a bunch of blood work and crap.. and i guess there he saw that i had some lupus or something.. i dont know how it works.. but the regiment i was on was working pretty well.. it was methotrexate once a week.. 4 pills.. folic acid everyday.. 1 pill.. i know i had put that i took the metho everyday but i got the 2 mixed up.. and then the plaqu twice a day.. idk which pill did it or if it was all of them together but.. they helped.. now i moved to ny.. and have found a new rheumy.. and i believe she doesnt think she will change my pills.. shes just gonna go over some blood work..

before all of this.. i took the simplest things for granted.. like... walking lol.. and being able to hold a coffee pot when its full.. or lifting a gallon of milk.. or just being able to stand up and walk a couple feet in front of me.. because once i sit down it hurts so bad in my knees to stand again.. i miss... sleeping.. its hard to because i can never get comfy.. my shoulders are always inflamed and stuff.. and my muscles are always achy... i know there's no cure but i wanna get to as close as "normal" as i can be again.. at least for my daughters sake.. shes a very needy baby.. very attached to mommy lol.. ah well this'll just be another life experience i guess.. thanks for reading.. and if anyones interested in talking either message me on here or facebook.. i check that more anyway.. my facebook url is ooyeababii or myspace.. its the same thing.. ooyeababii.. for both.. thx for reading i feel better now..
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