by, 01-15-2010 at 12:11 PM (1134 Views)
Okay my blogs don't measure up to Oberata's blogs by any means, but I need to vent. I don't even care if nobody reads it, this is like my online journal and it's helping me keep my sanity.
This month, my hot firefighter, (as some call him on here), and I have been together a year. It's been the best year of my life and he's the first guy I've dated that truly cares about me and supports me in my decisions and helps me when I'm down and sick. This has been the only good thing in my life lately. I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop so to speak. I have had the most painful year, literally, and most depressing year. My health has decline so far this year and I can't seem to stop the downward spiral. In the next two weeks, I work every third day including today. In between my days at work I have dr appointments up the wazzoo. Yesterday I spent almost four hours getting 3 MRI's and about 15 xrays then had to drop them off at the neurologist's office with a follow up in almost two weeks. I work monday again and then tuesday I have an appointment with my primary doc about an itchy boob. How embarrassing! It's been itching for about two weeks with no rash or irritation. I googled it, because that's the thing to do nowadays plus I'm paranoid, and the only thing that comes up is "inflammatory breast cancer." Great. Add it to my list. Wednesday I'm taking a class all day for work. Back to work Thursday. Working overtime Friday. Off Saturday, thank goodness but back to work Sunday. Monday comes again and I have my stupid dentist biyearly appointment. I'm sure I'll have cavities because I always do and I'll need to schedule those in. Tuesday I have my follow up with neurologist. Yay. Back to work Wednesday. Thursday is important-my first nursing test. If I don't pass this I think I'm going to go into hibernation mode and contemplate changing my name and moving to Canada. Off Friday thank God. Work Saturday then to Vegas Sunday. Much needed vacation.
I'm freaking out. In the mean time, my parents are still getting divorced and are chaotic. They still live together because my mom can't afford to live on her own. I say throw her out. Of course that means she'll try to live with me. I know everyone's thinking well it's your mom and it can't be that bad but she's not welcome at our house. I love her to death but I can't live with her. It's bad enough having to listen to everything that comes out of her mouth being so negative. Also, my sister's not taking the divorce very well and she's acting out. She's in her third year of college and fixin to turn 21 and she's gone off the deep end. If it's wrong, illegal, or immoral, she does it. Can't seem to get her to stop. Of course this probably started when she was young because my parents really never set any boundaries for her.
Oh and have I mentioned that I cry myself to sleep? I'm so depressed and I don't really have anyone to talk to. My poor boyfriend is probably sick of listening to me, even though he says he's not. I'm so stressed from studying and work and life. I'm really ready to crawl into a dark closet and hide for about a month and then come back to reality. I wish I had one day, just one, where I didn't hurt-nothing was wrong- and nobody bitched at me or around me. Maybe I could catch up on some sleep too. I started bawling the other day when I found a picture of me about a year and a half ago before my health declined so rapidly and I looked so healthy. No bags under my eyes, no dark lines under my eyes, my hair was fuller-I looked pretty happy. Look at me today and I look like a worn old hag. That's sad because I'm only 23. I'm so frustrated. I can't sleep for crap either.
Anyway, if you read this great. If not that's fine too. I needed to get some things off my chest and now I have. Thanks for this forum for letting me vent.