Another day, same crap
by, 07-10-2009 at 07:25 PM (508 Views)
So I've been in a really big flare since January and can't seem to catch a break. I started plaquenil just over three months ago now and haven't really seen a change. I have major hive break outs, which seem random, am in so much pain, and can't seem to sleep very well at all. I wake up almost every night in a major sweat and it's so uncomfortable. I've developed a new symptom, pleurisy. This mkes it hard to do anything exerting, let alone jus breathing sometimes. I don't really have many friends; I have a lot of people that know me and know they can call me at three in the morning to pick their drunk asses up, but they're not the types to have lunch with me or go to a movie or to be there for me to vent to. It's so hard that I don't have really anybody to talk to. Went to the rheumy earlier this week and he walked in and says he's concerned about my psychological health. It starts to take a toll on me and I'm so depressed lately. I don't have a network outside of work and that's not much of a network. This is the only place I can come to get away from things. I'm definitely not religious so going to church isn't a good option for me, I'd love to go back to school and create a network there but with my schedue for work it is absolutely impossible to do without missing every third class and most professors won't allow that. The only other hobby I have is photography and there isn't much of a network there unless you work at a studio or are in classes. I'd love to volunteer but I just can't afford to. I would like to get a second job but I plan on doing nursing school online starting in September so I really won't have time to and my boyfriend is strongly discouraging it. The good news is that my rheumy put me on Mobic and I've had instant relief from that. I'm continuing with the Plaquenil, maybe that will start to kick in soon. My parents are getting a divorce and my sister has completely lost her mind, consulting for a boob job, getting collagen injections in her lips, going to parties and completely getting high and wasted. All of this is hard to deal with even though we're not close at all. My mom calls me screaming because my sister did this or my dad did that. That all starts to bleed into my life. It doesn't help that my mom is bipolar and doesn't take her medicine. Oh and did I mention my sister is 20?! The medical bills are stacking up and I'd like to be able to buy a new dishwasher but that's not going to happen this year. So far I've spent a quarter of my income this year on medical bills and I'm so not done. My insurance kicked some of it back and I maxed out on my out of pocket expenses. All of my rheumy appointments aren't covered. Anyway, just needed to vent. Feeling a little better emotionally now.