dixiewolf

Try and control your stress levels

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That's what my doctor told me. Let's see...in the past year, I've broken up with my fiance, bought my first house, lost my job, got a new job by taking a huge paycut, faced foreclosure, and now have been diagnosed with a chronic illness that has no blueprint and no cure. I can't take joy from the things I used to, like laying on the beach in the sun, going outside without a thought to the penetrating rays of the sun, or not thinking about the hours of 9 and 5 in any other terms other than the beginning and end of the work day. Now they mark the times that I need to take my medication. But no problem, doc! I'll manage those stress levels just fine.

Every now and then, in the depths of the night, when I lie in my bed and obsessively ponder the mistakes that I've made, the tiny little voice screams at me "who's going to want you now, with Lupus?". I try so hard to block out this voice, this shrill vocalization of my deepest fear, that I will lie alone for the rest of my life, without anyone to hold me and tell me that I'm safe, that I'm not a freak, that they love me more than anything.....I'm so tired yet I can't sleep. But off to try once again.
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  1. Angel Oliver's Avatar
    That voice is in us all.Dont listen to it because one day someone will sweep you off your feet.I know its easy for me to write that when you are feeling so alone right now.But just you wait.It will happen when you least expect it.You are no freak either you are so very nice and just to let you know,when im depressed and low i too think like you.I do have a boyfriend,but that voice does shout extra loud especially when i dont sleep.It s so frustrating i know,but please know we care,i care.As for you doctor.Its easy for him to easily say those words,but in a way he is right.Do you have meds for how you feel to help you? Do you do any relaxation techniques? I too have depression,insomnia,anxiety on top of everything else you see.If ever you are up late again,come and see if the insomnia crew are awake.Just click community then social groups and then zzzzzzzz and there are others too.Im not always there but post and see if you get a reply,i bet you will.I know im going on a bit now,but i am trying to help you know we will help you through this tough time.
    I am sorry your doctor said that,but we can help you find a way to cope.I am sad you have had such a stressful year so far.But you found us,so hopefully we will help in some little way.Keep fighting.You are beautiful,your life will get better once you have the right meds and coping strategies to help you.Just keep posting and reading,thats what helped me keep fighting..xxxx
    Sending you gentle hugs
    Love Amanda.xxxx
    Updated 09-20-2009 at 12:25 PM by Angel Oliver